Indisputable Employment Facts (Murphy’s Law Applied)


I dare you. Find one thing on this list that you don’t agree with. Come on, I can take it.

1. The first day you decide to wear that new white shirt or blouse to work, you’ll suddenly realize you brought spaghetti and tomato sauce for lunch. You’ll sit hunched low over the food with your chair back as far as it will go and your legs as far apart as they will go to avoid projectile sauce. All will go well until just after the last slurp, then you close your lunch container and inevitably some red tomato sauce will land right on your shirt.

2. You’re reduced to applying for jobs that you’ll take but aren’t really your first choice. You book yourself a week’s holidays to offset the stress of a job search only to find your dream job posting came out the day you left and closed yesterday.

3. At home you opted for the navy blue slacks, so your choice of underwear wasn’t really a big deal. It was only at 10:15 a.m. when you went to the washroom to freshen up that you realized the creme pants you substituted at the last-minute aren’t concealing even one of the cute little strawberries you’re sporting. No worries; only 6 or so hours to go!

4. Bad hair days are directly proportionate to the days you are in the spotlight. Be it the big presentation, the meeting with a client, your birthday or your day to cover front reception, it will be humid, and your fly-away hair will stand on end like you’re at the science exhibition touching that magnetic ball.

5. Like a child going on a long car ride, you didn’t think you’d need to use the bathroom at all; right up until the speaker said, “Ladies and gentleman thanks for coming out today”… Forget it; there’s no slinking out unnoticed when you opted to sit in the front row.

6. The answer you gave to that last interview question was impressive. You almost wished you could have asked the interview to hold on a moment as you write it down so you can use it in the future. And while you’re thinking this, the next words you hear are, “That’s fine but your answer to the question is…?”

7. Every job interview you think you performed fantastic in will result in no job offer. The interviews in which you think you didn’t perform well in will result in – you guessed it – a job offer. Enough said.

8. Your ability to call up your email quickly is directly related to the time you have available to apply for a job. When the posting was only two days old, you were emailing everyone with no difficulty, but now that the closing date has come and it’s got to be in by 4:00 p.m., you suddenly find your email provider is performing maintenance and apologies for any inconveniences.

9. The long-lasting protection promised on that ad will dwindle in direct proportion to the length of time you are asked to sit in the reception area before being called in to the interview. The more you try to conserve movement and relax, the more your body imagines itself working out in the gym and starts shedding a few pounds in sweat.

10. Traffic will suddenly conspire to prevent you from reaching your destination only on the day you really must be at the other end of the city by 9:00a.m. sharp for that big interview. Despite leaving a half hour early, no amount of planning could have accounted for the person working in traffic light control whose apparently targeted your vehicle to mess with.

11. Your interview questions were well-thought out and planned. They demonstrated your research, an opportunity to be exploited and you as the perfect fit to resolve all those problems they are having. Your such a perfect match for the company, but right now the only thing you’ve got in common with them is that you too have a problem; you can’t recall a single question now that they’ve asked you if you have any. Your memory will suddenly kick into gear right after they walk you out of the interview and back into reception.

12. Your ability to remember things is outstanding. When you got a call earlier today and told the caller that you gladly accepted the job offer they made, it was only 2 hours later you got a call from the employer offering you the job you thought you had accepted earlier in the day. So what job DID you accept earlier and where aren’t you going to be showing up on Monday morning because you don’t know who that caller was?

13. Any vehicle you require to drive to that important interview or meeting will be found with little gas in it. The more teenage drivers you have, the less gas.

14. For your noon interview, the interviewer suggests the two of you head out and chat over lunch. Wanting to impress, you agree and only at the presentation of the bill do you realize your 6-year-old thought it would be funny to substitute monopoly money for the real deal and they don’t take plastic.

15. Finally, the day called for showers and you thought about bringing the umbrella but looked up and saw sunshine so you left it at home. Now you know why those people who give you the weather reports really do have to go to school and learn a thing or two. But don’t worry; your umbrella is home and dry.

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One thought on “Indisputable Employment Facts (Murphy’s Law Applied)

  1. Dead on! Not only have I experienced most of these, there is one more worth noting. I recall spilling the coffee I’d bought on the way to my interview, on my camel slacks, as I pulled in the driveway of the office I was to interview at. How’s that for timing? Yes, I called in sick from the parking lot then promptly turned around and drove home.

    Like

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