She Might Be Someone You Know

There’s a lot to unpack, note and commend in her story.

Here’s the quick summary, name withheld. Woman leaves Lebanon with her husband, leaving behind 5 siblings along with her mom and dad; a close and loving family. Arriving in Canada, she is pregnant and speaks two languages, neither one of which is English. She knows no one beyond her husband in this new land, and soon finds that things are changing.

Here in Canada, she not only knows no one, she’s not ‘allowed’ to meet new people; and whereas in Lebanon she held a job as a Childcare provider complete with a College Diploma, here it’s pointless because she’s entirely supported by her husband. After the child turns two, he walks out, leaving her with no income, no friends, no job, no idea of where she stands financially, and no prospects.

She is well aware of other women who like her ended up being divorced here in Canada and in each case they had returned to their families in Lebanon. Her choice however has been to stay in Canada to give her son – now 13 years-old with a better future; putting his future ahead of her own wish to be reunited with her family.

So that’s it in a nutshell. What I learned beyond this bare-bones story is that in the 11 years since the husband walked out, she took the initiative to enrol in English as a Second Language classes, and now has full command of a third language. She’s also visited and continuously makes use of a Welcome Centre to learn about programs and services to improve her situation. Her son is still completely in the dark about their status as Social Assistance recipients. She doesn’t want to burden him with that knowledge and have him feel shame and embarrassment. When I heard her tell me this I wanted to tell her that she should trust his judgement and he might just surprise her with his understanding and respect for her in spite of being  on social assistance, but I kept silent as that’s not call to say so.

I then asked her a question which brought her to a full stop and tears to her eyes – although it was not my intention to do so. I asked, “So what do you do that’s just for you, not your son – just you?” Not surprisingly she said, “Nothing.” Now why you might wonder is this not a surprise to me? Well, it’s been my experience that many women who have been isolated by their partners are entirely devoted to their children; their children being everything that they live for. There is often nothing they do for themselves because any extra income goes to extra-curricular activities that the children are involved with. Sure enough, soccer and buying the things that teenage boys want and/or need to be socially ‘in’ consumes these things. Reading for pleasure isn’t something she does but she reads a lot of legal papers, government memo’s, social assistance letters etc. – and all of these she hides from the eyes of her son lest he pause to wonder if they are on welfare.

For a second time in our conversation I brought her to tears. You’d think I was going out of my way to do so! Such was not the case, but it happened. After hearing her story I said how much I admired what she’d accomplished on her own, getting established independent of her ex-husband, raising her child, committing to living in a country when all her family was back in Lebanon, learning about various services and what brought us together, her decision to attend an interview preparation workshop. Of course what I said that really got the tears flowing was that I wasn’t just proud of what she’d accomplished but that I was proud of her.

So why the tears? Years and years of being put down and told she’d never amount to anything; that she wasn’t important and no one would ever care whether she’d live or die hammered home low self-esteem. This you see is why I believe she doesn’t do anything just for herself – something that people with a healthy self-image regularly do. If you’ve been told you’re nothing and you’ve come to believe you’re nothing, then you do nothing that’s just for you; you don’t deserve it. Nonsense of course, but it takes a long, long time for some people to alter that belief system.

Apparently I am the first person in all the time she’s been in Canada who has said good things about her. That I felt, extremely humbling and even more a sad state of affairs. Mid-forties, in good shape, excellent attention to her appearance, a beautiful smile and equally good manners. A dedicated parent putting her child’s needs and happiness above her own.

Here’s another thing. Does she lay her burden on her parents back home in Lebanon with crying and how difficult life has been and continues to be? No. In fact, she’s no one to share with, no intimate friend to vent or confide in; all this bottled in and heaven only knows what else.

So the point? She’s not the only one. Be kind, be considerate, be above all compassionate and non-judgemental. You can bet that this woman’s story is playing out everywhere not just one isolated person I came into contact with.

Self-Sabotage And The Job Search

Self-sabotage is intentionally undermining your own efforts to do something. You may find it surprising then to think that anyone would take steps to ruin their own chances at achieving their goals. It happens though; and often.

Despite ones best intentions, we’re not always as strong as we’d like to be. Consider the person who makes it a goal to lose weight. Their reason for wanting to lose the pounds could be a wish to feel better about themselves. In a moment of weakness however, that same person stands with the fridge open getting a piece of pie; something they expressly vowed not to eat as doing so runs counter to their weight loss goal. While they feel guilt in eating it, they enjoy the taste and texture of the food in the moment. Why? It was something that gave them immediate pleasure, even though it runs counter to their longer-term goal which will make them feel greater pleasure in their accomplishment.

The same is true when it comes to looking for work. Getting a job may be your goal, which has several benefits such as: you’ll feel better being productive, you’ll have purpose, you’ll have some much-need income and overall, you’re self-esteem and self-image will improve. With all those reasons for getting a job, you feel positive about putting in the effort to go for it!

However, in no time at all, you find yourself willfully distracted; watching television because you want the entertainment but not deriving the pleasure it normally brings you because there’s this persistent nagging sense that you should be job searching. You’re not fooling anyone, let alone yourself; you’re sabotaging your own efforts to find employment.

Realizing a goal takes discipline. The thing is, your thoughts can be ever so fragile when you aren’t doing what you feel you really should be. Indulging in that piece of pie or watching that hour show instead of looking for a job can make you believe you lack commitment, you’re weak and nothing short of a failure. It’s so easy at times like these to heap on the negative, which can have the unfortunate impact of sending you right back to the fridge for more pie or watching television for the rest of the day because these are the things you’ve come to feel good about in the past. So  why not give in and at least enjoy them guilt-free?

Even though this behaviour is counter-productive to your long-term goals, don’t beat yourself up unnecessarily.  It’s not easy to stay 100% committed to the new discipline it takes to changing behaviour. Behaviour is after all a set of thoughts and actions you typically think and do. Altering those thoughts and altering what’s really your normal way of going about things isn’t something you are likely to succeed at just because you come to some decision – even a good one – overnight. Example: the infamous New Year’s resolutions people make and don’t follow through on year after year.

An athlete knows that to ultimately meet their goal of the best performance they are capable of giving, it’s going to take discipline and practice. When a big race is in their future, they plan for it month’s or years in advance in the case of the Olympics. Sports teams play exhibition games prior to the start of their seasons to appreciate what it’s going to take. Success doesn’t happen just because they put their mind to things; it takes discipline, effort, commitment and follow-through. Ask them if they have setbacks, days when they just don’t put in the effort and they’ll tell you those moments happen. Why? They’ll say they are human; and so are you.

Committing to a goal such as job searching is a positive thing. Expect there will be ups and downs, hopeful expectations and yes, some let-downs. You’ll have days where you feel good about what you’ve done, steps you’ve taken in the right direction, and you’ll experience moments of doubt, frustration and disappointment. These are no reasons for not getting going though; for not starting. After all, that end goal you have of gaining employment means a lot to you and how you see yourself.

Now depending how long you’ve been in your current routine, and how much or little that current routine mirrors the activities and time-management it’s going to take to find your next job, it can be a minor or major shift in your daily activities to be successful. So think about that. A complete alteration in how you’re spending your time is likely going to mean you’ll have more moments where you’ll want to revert to those past behaviours that you now see as counter-productive to achieving your new goal. If you’re already pretty disciplined with your time and doing some job searching daily, you’ll have fewer moments where you are distracted.

Self-sabotage isn’t really hard to understand when you see it as momentarily engaging in things you find preferable in a given moment. Discipline takes time to acquire. Give yourself credit for small steps in the right direction; just coming to the decision on what you want is one of them. If you falter – and you likely will – get on with it again. If it was important enough to you that you set this new goal, it’s likely just as important enough to you to keep going.

Mental Health, Unemployment; Compassion

I have learned over the years that first appearances don’t always tell the story. There are many people who, upon first meeting, seem to be in earnest to find employment, but whose actions conflict with what their words would have you believe. It’s easy to mistakenly assume that these people lack commitment to finding a job. You might categorize them as lazy, attempting to intentionally deceive, not putting in the effort to get a job  while telling you they want to work. Often you come to realize however that something else is at play.

Most government programs that provide the basics such as food and shelter have expectations that people look to find income, usually obtained via employment, and work towards financial independence. At its simplest, those who work give a portion of their income to support those in society who don’t. Those with employment income generally assume that those in receipt of help are working hard to get off those programs and join the ranks of the employed. They also assume that those who administer such programs are providing help and advice to aid the unemployed to reach this same goal as quickly as possible.. They also believe this safety net built into our society is meant to support people for a relatively short time until a person finds financial independence.

Most people I believe, have compassion and care for those who are out of work, especially for those incapable of supporting themselves; for whom there is no alternative to find food and shelter. And there is the crux of the situation for a lot of people who see themselves as supporting others; some want to work and try hard to become financially independent. Others seem to avoid looking for work, and these are easier to spot to the average citizen. After all, someone looking for work is either inside some employment agency, working at finding a job from their home, or they are mingling on the street, dressed like workers, on their way to job interviews, meetings, etc.

Those who avoid looking for work or seem to be avoiding looking for work are easier to spot. These are the people we see who look to be of a working age, but are loitering about, sitting in parks and coffee shops, permanently dressed in ‘weekend’ clothes, walking with no purpose, certainly seem to have no work destination in mind. If we saw a cane, a limp, a cast on the arm or some such visible sign of disability, we’d extend compassion, believing their idle time is justified.

However, for many such people, there is no visible sign of disability. Look them over quickly and they seem to be healthy and capable of working; doing something productive. It’s likely that this person you’re looking at is dealing with some mental health issue. Now you might be thinking that this presumption is a bit of a leap, brought on the amount of time I’ve spent in my profession. Fair enough.

So let’s look at you. So you’ve got a  job and you’ve never been on assistance let alone out of work for long. You’re self-image is pretty intact and you’ve got a pretty healthy outlook on things. Suppose now you found yourself out of work. Downsized, laid off, fired, had to move to another city because your spouse took a job there, went back to school and are just job searching now – take your pick. In the short-term you find yourself in shock. No matter, you’ll be working soon.

While optimistic at first, you find your social connections; friends and past work colleagues treat you differently. First off, the work connections are only accessible when you call on them, and there’s less and less to talk about from your end. Your friends keep up at first, but you find you’re left out more and more because after all, money is tight and get-togethers for Spa Days and weekend jaunts to concerts and hotels out-of-town aren’t in your budget, so they call less on you to join them.

You cut back where you can on groceries, trips in the car, clothing and entertainment. Your parents and relatives tell you to just get a job, after all you’ve been successful before so it won’t be long. But it is. Your self-esteem has taken a hit as has part of your identity; the part of you that identified yourself by a profession and as an employee.

Making a résumé and applying for jobs seems simple enough, but you’re not getting the results you’ve had in the past. While applying for work, you’re not eating as well as you should; groceries are more expensive so you buy the cheaper, pre-made and packaged stuff. You put off dental work and new glasses maybe – you’ll get them when you’re working.

Look, the bottom line is the longer you’re out of work the harder it is to keep positive. Doubt, anxiety, sadness, depression; it’s not hard to see how these creep in and can be debilitating. When you experience these yourself or work with those who do, it’s easier to see how someone can want to work but literally be unable to do what is necessary to be successfully employed; sometimes for a long time, some times forever. And the longer ones unemployment lasts, the harder it becomes to break the routine.

Mid-Life And Career Floating?

When you were in your late teens you hadn’t quite figured out what you wanted to ‘be’, but you had your whole life in front of you. Besides, there was a lot going on back then; the new job, the relationship thing was blossoming. Friends were in abundance and there was so much energy in your life!

Back then, things seemed bright and you felt you had purpose. You were learning new skills on the job, more senior employees you worked with showed you how to do what it was you needed to know. Of course you were pretty sure some of them should have moved on and definitely saw your chance coming to take their place in the near future and move up in the pay grid. The company would be taking leaps and bounds with the infusion of your generating ideas; surely they’d be grateful for taking them as you transformed things from the way they’d always been done to your new world order.

As you arrived into the 30’s, your perspective changed. A little older and wiser, the folly of your youthful exuberance was understood and you came to realize those older employees who you thought would soon be out to pasture when you were in your 20’s were themselves only in their mid 40’s. They were actually in their prime, and while some have moved on, many have moved up while others have become your go-to co-workers; best buds in the workplace. While some of your ideas are considered, you’ve matured and had this growing realization that other people’s ideas have merit too. In fact, some of your ‘best’ ideas you came to realize wouldn’t have been successful had someone had the wish to implement them after all.

Now it’s you in mid-work-life career and you’re conflicted. You’re hungry for more, looking for something that’s fulfilling, challenging and above all stimulating. You’re wanting more income to do all the things you want in the lifestyle you’re after. However, what’s plaguing you is this nagging itch you can’t seem to find to scratch; figuring out what it is you’d really like to be doing. The thing is that while you’re trying to figure out this big mystery, time is passing. Welcome to Career Floating.

Career floating as I call it, is when you stagnate. You’ve got the skills and ability to do your job and do it well by the way. You’re not the expert yet you’ll one day be, (although you won’t come to fully appreciate this for another 10 years). You’re feeling pulled to do something more, something different. What’s complicating things is…well…a number of things.

There’s the responsibilities you’ve got with respect to the mortgage, your role as partner and parent. It’s taken you until now to become exposed to other possible careers and yet every career move seems to need an education you haven’t got at the moment and a return to school to get what you lack to get what you want means an interruption in your income. How can you suddenly go back to school, incur more debt and give up your salaried income for 2 or 3 years? How long is it going to take to recover all those lost wages and incurred debt?

The more you think on things and try to reason things out, the more you beat yourself up for inaction and over-thinking things instead of making a decision. So when did you come to be so hesitant and indecisive? Oh my goodness! Suddenly you realize you’re becoming Lou – or is it Louise? That person at work that seems to be stuck going nowhere that you snickered about inside when he was talking in the lunchroom about being so unsure of what to do himself. Lou, Louise; their 15 years your senior; there’s no way you intend on being in that same situation in 15 years!

There’s not going to be some amazing advice at the end of this piece. If you’re reading this saying to yourself, “Yes! Yes! Yes! This is exactly me! It’s like he’s talking to me specifically! What oh what am I to do?!” Sorry. There’s way too many of you – of us – realizing that re-inventing ourselves is not just fanciful but downright necessary if we’re to really be happy and re-engaged in our work lives. Things have become too automatic haven’t they? Sure you have to work at things still; the job doesn’t do itself. However, you’re looking down the road at the rest of your work life and saying more and more often, “Is this it?”

Well as you may have guessed by now, you’re not alone and nor are you a failure. Who you are as a worker is only one piece of what makes up your identity. There’s your social and home life, hobbies, your role as a parent, sibling, family member. There’s your free time and spare time, your quiet time and vacation time. Look at life – oops the big, “L” Life any number of ways. Yes you spend a large amount of time at work and therefore define yourself and are defined by others often by what it is you do – who you are. However, it is but one way to define yourself.

You’re no closer to having the curtain pulled back and an answer. This one, you figure out for yourself. Hint: listen to yourself and above all else,

A Co-Worker Is Absent. What Do You Do?

Now let’s be honest shall we? This question of what to do as a response can be looked at and answered with a few possible approaches. You might be thinking to yourself that what you SHOULD do and what you’ll ACTUALLY do are two very different things. If you and I were sitting across from each other in a job interview and I posed the question to you, no doubt you’d voice the reply that falls in line with the former, not the latter.

Then again the answer to this question might depend on whether the absence of a co-worker has any immediate impact on your job responsibilities. It could be that when someone on the team or shift is away, there’s no impact on anyone’s job duties. With a neutral impact, you might just be entirely unaffected; no increased calls, no extra customers to contact, no extra work or extra benefits coming your way.

Far from a negative thing, it could be that you’re on commission, and one less co-worker is one less person getting in the way of your potential earnings. An absent co-worker is a good thing, and that dream vacation you’ve been working extra time to realize just got a little closer. You not only thrive in their absence, you relish the possibility that you’ll find yourself in the same situation tomorrow!

However, in many environments, the absence of one person on the team has an impact on those employees who did make it in to work; the impact is often more work to be spread out, increased pressure to pitch in and contribute, etc. What you had planned to do for the day isn’t going to happen the way you’d envisioned it. Upper management has possibly come around to make sure everybody is well aware of the absent employee; the speech about teamwork, the slap-on-the-back, ‘all for one and one for all’ with a hearty, “I know I can count on you all” sermon said, they return to their offices thankful that they are one step removed from the front line.

There’s the co-worker who responds by immediately checking the absent employees schedule, and calls all their appointments to cancel as fast as possible. This way, they won’t be called upon to see clients and customers they don’t know. It may not be the best customer service, but hey, it’s a dog-eat-dog world right? I mean you fend for yourself and let the fallout – if there even is any – happen down the road.

It’s not all bad though. No, there’s the overly helpful ones; you know, the man or woman who says to themselves, ‘I’d want someone to do what they could in my absence so sure I’ll pitch in and do my share to the extent I can.’ They do so much in fact that their own work takes a back seat. Slackers love having these people on their team. They just seem so easy to take advantage of having that good nature imbedded in their DNA. If the slacker plays their cards right and isn’t too overt in how they seem to do things when they really don’t, they could get that do-gooder to cover for them in return for doing next to nothing to help out at these times for years.

The accountable ones…now these people are the ones that use solid reasoning to decide what they can offer without sacrificing their own schedules unduly. After all, a customer is a customer no matter if it’s theirs or the absent employee on the one hand. However, on the other hand, they might have their own quotas that need attention, and they reason that if the workload gets split up evenly – everybody doing their part – the impact on everyone overall is minimized and shared.

Some readers are already moving to what they perceive the view of management will be. You know, seeing supervisors and bosses as not caring really who they’ve got on their teams as long as the work gets done, quotas are met, targets achieved and profits maximized. The parts are interchangeable; and you and I in their opinion are the interchangeable parts to be discarded when it suits. With a long line of people willing to take your place and mine, they just don’t care the way they used to.

Maybe that has been your experience and if so, it’s shaped the way you view the world and the people in it. You’ve possibly become jaded yourself in how you view things and how you view others.

If you’ve had bosses that not only expect results but truly care about the workers achieving those results, you see things differently. Why I’ve had bosses who roll up their sleeves and pitch in from time-to-time when and as needed. It’s kept them in touch with the front lines, gained respect among staff and has never been a sign of their lack of supervision and leadership to do so.

You know what prompted this topic for today? You guessed it! An absent co-worker. Actually, you’re only part right. There’s not just one, but 4 co-workers on my team away today and only one was scheduled off. So three unexpected absences. Yikes! Thankfully our team is made up of contributors, problem-solvers. In addition, three staff on other teams voluntary contributed time to cover short breaks and lunch.

So how do you react to absent co-workers?

Depression And, “Hello. How Are You?”

“Hello. How are you?”

Could you ask a more innocent, well-intentioned question? It’s almost automatic; typical of how we greet each other. Oddly enough, those who ask don’t always want to actually know how you’re doing, and those who answer don’t answer truthfully much of the time. Yet, again and again, for lack of a better, well-thought out form of greeting its used time and time again.

It’s true you know. Just pay attention and listen when you’re greeted by someone for one or two days as an experiment. Today being Monday, most of your co-workers will today say, “Hi, so how was your weekend?” Tomorrow and for the rest of the week, they’ll say, “Hi, how are you?”

A couple of days ago I sat down with someone suffering – and suffering is the right word by the way – with depression and poor mental health. He’s been out of work for over a year now, and his life-long depression is getting much worse. He told me that one of the things that bothers him more and more is the constant question of how he’s doing; especially from people he knows don’t want to really know.

Are you guilty of this? I know I am and I imagine you are too. I’m not naïve enough to actually believe that 95% of the people around me are fine or good; even though they say so. Sure many of us are good and doing well. However, it must be painful as this fellow says, to be living with depression and constantly asked how you are. He then told me how much his life was being affected. His favourite time of day is when he goes to bed – at 11:00p.m. usually. After lying awake for 2 hours, he sleeps until 11:00a.m., gets up and eats, then sits in front of the television almost the entire day, not going out unless he has to.

Now he’s cut back on family gatherings because so many of those extended family members are going to naturally ask him, “How are you?” and while he could tell them the truth, he knows they really don’t want to know, nor could they help him if they wanted to. Well, aside from stopping the asking of how he’s doing in the first place! So it’s a cycle of feeling ashamed of doing nothing day after day, seeing Life go by without improvement.

This depression has affected his memory too. He’s positive that he can’t be trusted to remember things he’s told, and so for now, work is out of the question. Not to mention the depression has left him little patience in some situations he might meet with the public. All this passive living is affecting his physical as well as mental health too. A lack of exercise has led to weight gain, lower self-esteem, poor stamina.

Yet, to meet with him you’d see a happy fellow, quick to laugh, friendly and knowledgeable about topics of the day. Kind of an Eleanor Rigby type, “wearing a face that she keeps in a jar by the door. Ah look at all the lonely people!”

Now how many people I wonder will you – and I – come into contact today who are similarly suffering from depression? Let’s make that Depression with a capital, “D”. When living with this mental illness, it can affect energy, focus, judgement, motivation, self-perception and it’s not just a quick visit to the doctor to get a quick fix. We’re talking long-term implications.

Sometimes there are medications to help change the chemical make-up of the brain and attempts to stimulate connections through electro-therapy. I’m certainly no expert in treatments although I’ve friends and co-workers as well as many clients and people who use my support and advice in the course of my job. While it’s helpful to listen without judgement, providing reassurance that talking about one’s mental health is okay with me and not a topic I find uncomfortable, it’s frustrating knowing that waiting lists for treatment are long, treatments aren’t always effective, and other than listening, what can I do?

While it’s not necessary to experience what another person is experiencing to be empathetic, sometimes I feel being an empathic listener just falls short really. I suppose though this one’s not about me – or you for that matter. This one is about the person with Depression. If listening with empathy helps them feel understood and helped, maybe that’s something.

Think how difficult it must be on a daily basis for someone living with Depression; post-traumatic or ongoing, anxiety, psychotic or personality disorders, etc. It must be and is for many, debilitating. So maybe when we see some person who appears to be lazy or worse yet able to do fun things but not work, maybe extending some compassion and erring on the side of considering they may have a mental health issue would be preferable to believing them to be sponging off others generosity or tax dollars when their perfectly capable of contributing.

I suppose we might choose to hold our tongue and check our thoughts; for truly, we have no idea to what degree someone might be suffering with and already feeling ashamed of themselves for not being more productive.

So today, instead of, “Hi. How are you doing?” maybe we might say, “Hi. What are you up to today?” or if you do ask how someone is doing, look them in the eye and pause long enough to hear and care what they answer.

My 5 Cents On Minimum Wage Increases

Here in Ontario Canada, our Provincial Government has in its wisdom, raised the minimum wage to $14.00 per hour as of January 1, 2018. This move resulted in a significant increase for minimum wage earners from the earlier $11.60 per hour they were earning. Come January 1, 2019, the minimum wage will rise to $15.00 per hour.

Now here’s a comparative of these numbers, (the 140 hours by the way is calculated on a 7 hour day x 5 days per week x 4 weeks per month)

$11.60 p/hr x 140 hours = $1,624 month x 12 months = $19,488 per year.

$14.00 p/hr x 140 hours = $1,960 month x 12 months = $23,520 per year.

$15.00 p/hr x 140 hours = $2,100 month x 12 months =$25,200 per year.

Now you have to truly be a recipient of the minimum wage to feel the impact of these increases on your overall quality of life. There are other voices to be heard from on this issue – such as the business owners paying these wages, the Provincial Government officials about what they intended to bring about as they enacted this legislative change, the general populace in Ontario whose votes put this government in place, and yes even those with no income beyond social services. There are no shortages of opinion to be gathered on this issue.

Well, certainly I believe anyone and everyone would agree that earning $19,488 per year is not as satisfactory as receiving $23,520 per year. After all, that’s another $4,032 to spend as one chooses. That breaks down to $336 more a month if you’re keeping track of such things, or $84 per week. With an extra $84.00 per week, that’s healthier food in your shopping cart, a little extra set aside in the bank account for something you might not have been able to afford down the road, or perhaps at $336.00 per month, a nicer apartment unit in a better part of town. In short, life is better.

However, (yes here comes the bit that you’ve been waiting for and hoping you’d read), this isn’t the whole story. First of all, my numbers for illustrative purposes are based on 140 hours a month; in other words full-time. How many minimum wage earners are there out there getting full-time hours versus minimum wage earners getting part-time hours? For every hour you deduct from the above equations at the head of this article, there is a corresponding drop in income. If you are only getting 25 hours a week, that $14.00 per hour means you’re bringing in $350 a week, up from $290; an extra $60 a week. Still, a raise is a raise and when you don’t make much, every bit helps right?

Ah, but then we’ve got other things to factor in here. You don’t suppose that their buying power has increased with everything they buy remaining at previous levels do you? Oh naïve little you! Unfortunately for many low-income earners, their expenses have dramatically increased, and are about to jump more as well. Being low-income earners, most are renters vs. home or condo owners, so they are subject to paying monthly rent. Not surprisingly, many renters are telling me that their rents suddenly went up on January 1st of this year, and some others tell me they’ve recently come home to find notice of rent increases stuck under their doors for, ‘building improvements’. Legitimate or not, the timing is something to note.

Now, I noticed something of interest myself. This past week my wife and I had dinner out at Boston Pizza and noted they’d done over the restaurant, and the menus were updated too. We were impressed with the improvement in tables and chairs and couldn’t help but notice the price of their standard food items have increased too. Just under $50 for two adults to order an entrée each including a juice and a soft drink; no alcohol, no dessert, no appetizer, no tip factored in. How many times are people going to opt out for dinner? That might have explained the extra parking available when we arrived. Gone I suppose were the 10 items for $10 they once had just last year. Sigh…

Groceries, rent, transportation, clothing, recreation, property maintenance fees, contractors, manufacturers, goods and services; it’s all going up. One would be very naïve indeed to assume prices don’t rise in general due to inflation, but the minimum wage increase is also being used by some employers to justify increases.

Interestingly, I see at Boston Pizza they are hiring a Front of House Manager. This position has quite the number of additional requirements and expectations over the minimum wage servers and kitchen staff. The wage advertised for this Management position? $17.00 per hour. Break down that $2.00 hourly disparity between this position and minimum wage earning staff there and one might wonder why someone would bother to take on the additional responsibilities. Still, you get to put a title on your résumé and an identifying badge on your shirt that advertises your status.

It remains to be seen if this move wins the Liberal government in power another term as we’re in a voting year. Any incoming government if there is a change, would be hard-pressed to repeal such increases even if they wanted to and come out looking good.

We have to realize that every deserves a living wage; one that provides enough to lead life with dignity. Not everyone has the skills, aptitude and ability to advance and move from minimum wage jobs to middle-income and middle class; nor do all want to. It’s finding the balance that is the challenge.

Must Work Be Meaningful? To Whom?

I wonder if you’ve ever been advised to find a line of work where you can really find a strong sense of meaning in the work you’ll do? This advice typically is followed up with the promise that finding meaning in the work you’ll do will make whatever you’re doing rewarding; and in it being rewarding and meaningful, you’ll enjoy it  and life in general more.

It’s not bad advice really. There are many people who’d agree, if for no other reason than we spend a lot of our waking hours at work, and as all those hours add up, we’d best all be doing something meaningful to justify the investment of time.

However, the downside of this advice is that there are many people who don’t look to find meaning in the work they do, they just happily go in day in and day to work. Telling such people they’ll be happier searching for work they find real meaning in doing might just result in giving them something to worry or stress about. And who is to say that the meaning you might derive from one job over another would be similarly felt by someone else; say your daughter or son? How many mothers or fathers have hoped that their children would follow in their footsteps and have the same career as themselves, only to have their children choose other lines of work?

If you’re so inclined, you might realize too that people change. The job we found meaning in when we were 20 something might hold that meaning for 5 or so years, and then we suddenly realize one day that it’s been awhile since we really felt it as truly rewarding and meaningful. If this is the case, how do we go about finding a career in our late teens and early 20’s that we’ll find genuinely meaningful for the next 45 or 50 years?

Well, don’t fret about it. First of all it’s highly probable and natural that as you become exposed to different jobs and careers over the course of your life, you’ll find some of those jobs intriguing; perhaps enough to go after them. Changing jobs within our field is something many of us do, changing our field of interest entirely is also something not all that uncommon. It’s called evolution; becoming exposed to something new, finding real interest in it, doing what it takes to qualify yourself and working a plan to one day be in that new role.

Yet, while it’s natural then for many to want to do work that they find meaning in, is there anything wrong with doing work that one doesn’t find meaningful? Do you know anyone who when asked why they do what they do replies, “It’s a pay cheque”? I mean there has to be a number of people who are doing jobs quite competently; but for whom the concept of doing meaningful work isn’t important. And because we are all so very different on this planet, it’s impossible to take a career – any career – as an example of a job that no one finds meaning in.

You might think a Cashier, a Waiter/Waitress, Server etc. might not find any meaning in the work they do; that it’s got to be just a job until a career comes along. You’d be wrong though. There are obviously more people than you’d guess who do find great meaning in these jobs, and what’s more, their not deluding themselves; they see themselves as providing a service to others. Further, they wouldn’t want it any other way. Maybe they could make more income doing other things, but perhaps they don’t take home excessive worries and stresses that go with some jobs you’d tout as more meaningful.

Whose perspective are we talking about here anyhow? Yours or theirs? Projecting our own ideals and values onto others, saying that one job is more meaningful than another is something we should be careful of. When we tell our son or daughter that a Teacher’s job is meaningful; more meaningful than say a Crossing Guards, we transfer our own value system. If they go on to be a Teacher we’re happy. If however, they happily become a Crossing Guard and find meaning and happiness in that role, have we now sent that message that somehow their choice of career is a disappointment to us? Is that what we want or intended to do?

Conversely, if they get ulcers and migraines – growing old before their time – fighting with and climbing over others on the way to some career which robs them of much of their personal time; missing family occasions because of work, will we find it okay to console ourselves by saying, “but the work is meaningful and important.”

Important… maybe that’s it. Could it be that when we say find work that’s meaningful, what we’re really doing is saying, find work that’s important, and then by association you’ll be important too? If that’s the case, what message are we sending if the work isn’t important in our eyes? Do we really mean that they are only important if what they do is important?

So what’s the goal? Find work that is meaningful and if so to whom? Happiness? Sufficient income? Security? Challenge and reward? There are a lot of different values we could and do place on jobs and the people who do them. Something to think about.

 

What I Think While Interviewing You

First of all you may not even care what I’m thinking when I’m sitting down across from you in this job interview; but you should. After all, you’re hoping I offer you the job we’re talking about. So it stands to reason that if you know what I’m thinking, you have a chance to either let me go ahead with those same thoughts or you’ve got time to change my mind before we’re done.

So let’s begin with my first impression.

When we met the reception area, I quickly looked you up and down and I started with your clothing.  I’m giving you top marks if the clothes are clean, fit with our company dress code and I’m evaluating your judgement in not just what you’re wearing, but how your clothes fit, the coordination and the appropriateness of what you selected to wear.

At the same time – and we’re talking about 3-4 seconds here – I’m taking in your hygiene and personal grooming, your facial expression, noting any obvious piercings or visible tattoos, and noting how you looked just before you realized I was the interviewer. That’s a lot to take in over 3 or 4 seconds, but I do this for a living you understand. Actually you do it too; you’re looking me over I believe and sizing me up as we meet.

I’m offering you my hand by the way as a traditional form of greeting, and how you react to this is also information I’m gathering to assess your suitability. After all, you’ll be meeting many people should I hire you, and your comfort level in how you greet them reflects on us as an organization. I’m impressed most with a firm but not overpowering handshake in return.

Now I understand you’re likely nervous and that’s to be expected. Some nervous excitement given what’s at stake is a good thing actually, but I’m checking as we begin hoping you haven’t got extreme nervousness to the point where I don’t get to see the real you. I’m actually hoping to put you at ease to the extent I can so that I can assess the person you’ll be on a daily basis. Telling me you’re extremely nervous and not yourself isn’t helping your cause. How can I really see you fitting in with my other staff if the real you isn’t present?

Now that we’re seated, I’m noting your posture and like the fact you sit slightly forward and you’re making great eye contact. The smile I’m giving you as we begin is hopefully reminding you to smile yourself – there it is! I’m now wondering if that smile looks natural or forced; because a natural smile is welcoming and appealing to customers and makes for a friendlier workplace. I know not everyone walks around smiling all day, but what I really want to avoid is hiring someone with that brooding, all-too-serious face that seems set in a constant frown. That’s not going to be a good fit here.

Now as we begin the questions and I listen to you speak, I’m sizing up how much you know about the job you’re interviewing for. A question asking what you know about our company, the job itself or why you’ve applied is designed to give you the chance to tell me how much – if any – research you’ve done. If you’re really interested and invested this opportunity you’ll do well in this. If you don’t answer well, I’m unimpressed and guessing we’re just one of 50 places you’re applying, hoping somebody hires you.

I’m really liking the fact that you answer the questions I’m asking. You obviously know yourself well, and the examples you’re giving me are backing up your claims  when it comes to your experience. How you handled situations in past jobs gives me a really good idea of how you’ll behave and act if I bring you onboard here.

You know what I’m also thinking? I hear energy in your voice; you really sound enthused about the job and you’re convincing me that you’re really looking forward to the work. This seems like more than just a job to you; I like that. This is after all, a company I’ve put a lot of hours and dedication into. I’m in a place to select an applicant who will bring some real energy and be a positive addition; because let’s face it, I’m going to work with whomever I hire.

Another thing I’ve noticed as you’re talking is that you look like you’re using your brain. I mean, you’re answers show you’ve thought about the questions asked, and the answers don’t sound rehearsed and fake. Your facial expressions are moving between serious and thoughtful to smiling – the odd laugh added which shows a natural side. You’ve prepared some questions too I see, and bringing along your résumé, the job posting, a pen and having it all organized in front of you tells me you’re ready. I like that because you’re not just saying you are organized, this proves it.

Having wrapped up with a handshake again and walked you out, I noticed you also stopped just long enough to shake the hand of the Receptionist and gave her a quick word of thanks. Full marks for that.

I’ve got other people to interview, but I’m impressed. I’m thinking at this moment you’re making a strong case to be hired. Well done!

Swearing And Social Media

In the fall of 2017 I joined with some other community members to put on a production of The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe. Amateur theatre you understand; something I’ve done in neighbouring communities with several theatrical groups for some 25 years.

More and more often, the cast stays in communication with each other via social media, with the Directors typically setting up a private Facebook group and inviting all the members to join to be kept up-to-date with rehearsals and other related information. This then sparks a number of people to then go ahead and send out friend requests to other cast members. It’s likely that even if you are not involved in a community theatre group, you’ve had a similar experience perhaps with some other group centred around your hobbies or interests.

Now with us being in the middle of winter and 2018, the show is long over and yet the online friendships remain. Sometimes I’ve gone ahead and deleted people immediately who I will have no further interaction with unless a future show brings us together again. This time around however, I let things remain largely unchanged after the show and of consequence I’m ‘friends’ with people I wouldn’t really give that title to in any other context – referring to them more commonly as an acquaintance.

I’ve got a problem though. It’s easily remedied on my end, but I fear it’s damaging for another. The issue as the title suggests is this person’s frequent use of swearing in his posts. It’s, ‘f’ this and ‘f’ that, and ‘f-ing’ something else…

The easy thing to do is unfriend the person, who quite honestly I’d never met before and am not likely to act with again but yes, it is conceivable. He’s not quite 20, I’m 58, he’s in another city than I am, and I’m not so unsure of my self that I have a problem just doing so.

Yet, there’s part of me that wanted to reach out to him and if he’s open to hearing it, let him know that I find his choice to include such language offensive. Not only is this my point of view, he could well be hurting his future chances of employment; acting or otherwise, by his frequent use of such language. Call me a prude if you will, old-fashioned, etc. I really don’t mind. I know what I enjoy reading and what I don’t.

Now it’s his right as it is anyone’s right, to speak ones mind, and part of that freedom comes with the right to say it HOW you’d like to do so. But, there are consequences to our choices, and there’s a responsibility that comes with those same rights. Not everybody gets this. Seems to me a lot of people go about claiming they know their rights, but few go about toting that they know their responsibilities.

In any event, I opted this time to do something different; I’ve taken the approach of reaching out to him via a private message and let him know how his frequent use of foul language has our tenuous friendship at risk of being ‘unfriended’ on Facebook. I’ve also advised him if he’s open to hearing it, that his posts are there in the public domain for future employers, Directors etc. to read and in so doing, form their opinions of him as suitable for their places of employment or shows.

No I’m not trying to be more saintly, or holier than thou as it were. I’m simply taking a more caring way of helping him along and not the easy way out of just unfriending him with no explanation. I’m sure this happens all the time and I’ve done it myself. Maybe this once though, something good could come of it. Even if he chooses to ignore my suggestion or advice, he is at least aware of the impact his writing has on one person and that alone could be helpful.

You see, he’s young, troubled, and – well yes – overly dramatic. However, being a young under 20, it’s not uncommon that one’s problems seem like the only problems in the universe. With maturity comes the realization that ones problems are not so unique, and everyone has things they deal with; some of us better or more privately than others. I hope he’ll get that over time and in fact I’m sure of it.

The thing I’d point out is would he, (or you) talk to your boss, your mom or dad, your friends etc. using the same language you use online? That is of course exactly what happens when all those people see what you write and how you choose to say it online. If you wouldn’t talk a certain way in-person, why talk that way online? If of course that’s who you are whether online or in-person, that’s your choice and your free to be authentically you. Just think about it.

So there it is. Feel free to give me your thoughts on the use or excessive use of swearing in social media public posts. Okay or not okay in your opinion? Helpful in expressing yourself or hurtful and self-damaging to getting on in the world? Feel free to agree or disagree as is of course your own right. This could be good people; where do you stand? Would you talk this way face-to-face with your friends; with your boss?