Communicating Without Saying A Word


Whether you’re unemployed and looking for a job or employed, your non-verbal body language is sending out all kinds of information to those within eyesight. What message you’re sending is entirely up to you of course; but pay no attention to ensuring the message you’re sending is the one you want to communicate and your lack of attention to this could harm you in ways you haven’t considered.

Even noticed the difference in how people move when walking? If you’re looking for a low-key but profitable way to spend your lunch hour, sit down with your lunch in a public space and people watch. Follow several passersby’s with your eyes – not just the handsome or cute ones! – and as you do so, be aware of the assumptions you’re making. When you see someone ambling along at a leisurely pace, their hands in their pockets, how do you perceive them? They don’t seem in a hurry to be anywhere.

Contrast the above with the person you see enter your view who is moving at an accelerated pace compared to others around them. They are walking briskly with one arm swinging at their side and the other clutching something that could be a document folder. Their head is up as they walk, looking for the clearest path in front of them, their eyes focused on what’s ahead of them. Again, what’s your brain communicating to you about them with little else to go on?

Did you assign a gender to either of the two examples above? Did you picture the first one with hand in their pockets to be dressed down from the second one hustling from point A to point B? Did you see the first person as enjoying the sunshine, making the most of their personal time on their lunch hour? Of the second, did you picture them still on the clock, obviously not on their lunch even though you’re on yours? Did the brisk walker seem to move with purpose while the ambling, leisurely movement of the first suggest at the moment they were in control of their time and what to do with it?

How you move says a lot to others who likewise make inferences about what you’re doing, your level of activity, the urgency or lack of it in how you’re going about things at the moment.

Now earlier I’d said jokingly that you should look at all people not just the handsome or cute ones. Think on that now though; what is it about how people dress, the way they move, the attention or lack of it that they take to their personal grooming, their facial expressions, etc., that attracts us to them? When we find ourselves drawn to someone do we sometimes also give them positive attributes and think positively about them before they’ve even uttered a word? Similarly, if we find ourselves disinterested or even negatively affected by someone on first sight, do we likewise perceive them negatively before they’ve opened their mouth to speak?

Our body language communicates much about us. We can seem dominant, defiant, submissive, reclusive, introverted, outrageously confident and non-conformist etc. In the clothes we wear, the tattoos and body piercings we may or may not have on display, the attention we put into our makeup, hairstyles, shoes on our feet etc.; everything about us communicates to others.

So all of this is important to acknowledge and understand when it comes to those times in our lives when making impressions on others is important to us. The job interview, meeting the potential in-laws, the date on Saturday night, your appearance in court, your friend’s wedding, the prom, spiritual gatherings, lounging at the golf club or yoga studio; we never stop communicating to others and all of it non-verbal.

The good news of course is that with some thought and attention, we are largely in control of the non-verbal communication we send out, hopeful that it is received by others in the way that is consistent with our intended message. Are you going for, ‘confident’, ‘professional’, ‘casually comfortable and relaxed’? Sometimes of course you may be told in advance how to dress. An invitation to a party might say that formal wear is in or the person setting up the interview over the phone might tell you that business casual is expected.

The best time to put some thought into your clothing and the image you want to communicate to others through your body language is always the same – now! When you know the kind of work you are interested in, you can safely predict with a high degree of accuracy the kind of clothing you’d like for a future interview. Now might be the best time then to get out and get that clothing together while you’re relaxed and not distracted with the pressure and stress of preparing for an actual one in a couple of days.

Be it a skirt or dress, formal suit, shirt and tie, getting things now – or at the very least budgeting now to acquire these items as you can afford them, will pay off when you go to the closet and they are there at the ready.

Remember, you’re in full control of the messages you communicate to others simply by entering their visual proximity. Best to make sure you give some thought now to how you want to be perceived.

 

“So What Do You Do?”


When meeting people for the first time, one of the questions that comes up inevitably in the first few crucial moments is some version of, “So what do you do?” The question is really an abbreviation for, “What’s your job or career title?”, and if you don’t provide the name of the employer, that may be the next question to be asked.

So given that so many of us ask the question, my question is, “Why?” I mean what is it that causes us to ask people whom we’ve just met, how they occupy their time and derive a living from that? The question of what we are doing is really connected of course to the income we derive which in turn indicates how we support ourselves financially. Make no mistake about it.

Imagine for example you overheard a conversation where someone asked, “So what do you do?” and the reply you heard was, “Oh I love to garden, take in the football matches and watch the sun go down on the back deck each night with a warm drink in one hand and my spouses hand in my other.” Well that might be all well and good and carry the conversation for the next few minutes, but something interesting would occur shortly after. “But seriously, what do you do? – I mean career wise.”

It’s as if the initial answer wasn’t taken as a serious response; was the person avoiding answering the question? Technically of course they weren’t; they answered the question in the way they wished. If the person doing the asking wanted a specific answer respective of an occupation, then the question should have been formed to ask, “So, what’s your job title?” Doesn’t that seem unnatural and perhaps a little invasive?

We all, “do” many things. We shop, dress, eat, read, rest, relax, laugh, cry and thousands of other things. But when we are asked, “So what do you do?” there is this implied understanding that the question really be poised is about occupations.

Okay so that being the case, why is this of interest to us when we meet someone new? At the root of it I suspect is a desire to assign some kind of value to the person based on our own value of the work they perform. If you think a Cashier is a rather non-noteworthy position, then meeting a person who is a Cashier may cause you to place the person into a category based on your own value system. Meet a Photographer, and you might then say you’d like to see their work – and why? Because once you’ve seen the quality of their work and their preferences for subject matter, you then assign some kind of appreciation (high or low) for not only the quality of their work, but the quality of the person.

Now is this fair? No. You may suppose that clothing models are superficial, self-indulgent and perhaps not all that intelligent. Were you to actually meet one and have a conversation of any length to get to know the person behind the runway model, you might find yourself correcting your initial assumption. And it works the other way doesn’t it? You might revere a person with what you think is a job of great prestige and engage them in conversation only to find them evasive, unsure, boorish and shallow.

Still, when we meet people, we start a process of gathering information and clues that collectively permit us to form opinions based on our own experiences. The more information we gather, the more our opinions become formed on real data rather than guesswork and suppositions. We gather information on how people dress, their posture, their smile (or lack thereof), where they live, who they know, what car they drive, their environmental consciousness, their income level, so why not the jobs they hold?

Young and old do this. Suppose you were given a list of occupations held by people in a large room without being able to first enter the room and look around. Who would you like to meet and have a conversation with based on nothing more than knowing their occupation. Are you equally anticipating a chat with a housewife and a rock musician? Without knowing either or seeing either, you’re own upbringing and personal view of each may lead you to prefer one over the other. And if it were a small business owner and an Accountant, would you care? Maybe and maybe not.

For you personally, whether you are employed, unemployed or underemployed, think carefully then about your personal response to the question, “So what do you do?” What impression do you want to make initially on others? Even if you are out of work, would you answer the question, “I’m unemployed”, or would you come back with, “Carpenter by trade specializing in historical restoration work.” Which of the two responses might generate interest in the person who asked to want to know more about you?

Here’s the best thing about the question, “So what do you do?” YOU get full control over what first comes out of your mouth and the confidence or lack of pride which your body language will communicate in answering. Do yourself a huge favour and spend some time carefully crafting a good answer. Then practice so it comes across the way you want it delivered.