Cleavage And The Job Search

The blog today goes where few choose to tread because the topic alone is sure to get a reaction. It’s one of the few things I find people can’t help but notice yet are extremely uncomfortable talking about when working with job seekers – especially to the person themselves. What am I talking about? Exposed cleavage.

Now before you jump all over me or dismiss me as just another man who can’t see anything but a woman’s breasts, hear me out. As an Employment Counsellor who is expected to help those looking for work to realize and overcome their barriers to employment, am I really doing my job if I only point out what I’m comfortable talking about? I think it’s appropriate in this capacity to go into areas that are uncomfortable for some if it’s going to help those looking for work obtain the kind of work they are looking for.

Every so often I come across a young woman who is looking for a job who has by choice made a decision to wear a top that exposes too much of her breasts and cleavage. My typically reaction is to pause and wish I didn’t have to deal with the topic but know I must if I’m to really do my job. My training comes into play, a need for caution lest I be accused of anything inappropriate on my part in even looking, and some quick mental calculations of how the situation should be handled.

Perhaps in some situations it’s best to have the topic covered by a female co-worker. In others it’s best to have a co-worker present to act as a witness to what is said. And yet in others the best thing to do is to just make a matter-of-fact comment akin to covering them up before proceeding. It may be in other situations that other things are talked of first to build some trust first so the person knows your intent is entirely honourable.

There are of course some employers who are looking for exactly this kind of woman to work for them. Sadly I think, but true nonetheless. You can Goolge the oogle and find them in the restaurant business for example where large successful chains actually name their franchises after this particular part of the body. Those that work there dress in clothing that shall we say, accentuates.

All of this aside, I think it is extremely sad to see young, naïve women who really want to work but don’t see any issue with how they are dressed and exposing themselves. I fear for them honestly, because they are susceptible to being taken advantage of. I know from hearing the experiences of other women that  there are some employers who go out of their way to find these women and put them in situations where they are working in seedy establishments, put in skimpy outfits and it is clear that they are there to bring in customers who go in for a good look.

“If you’ve got it flaunt it right?” I’ve heard that. There is a popular pressure many people feel to be pretty and attractive. Just look at television and billboards. You can see as well as anyone that there’s a push to have beautiful hair, get rid of wrinkles, body hair, firm and shape the body, flatten the stomach etc. Not hard then to see that a young woman might want to show off what she’s got.

Oh and it’s not only the guys that notice. No, I see other people both male and female turn, look, look away and then look back. Sometimes those looks are lustful and sometimes those looks are just looks of disbelief.

Being yourself is one thing. Wanting to be taken seriously and have people value you for your mind first is another. And don’t misconstrue; one can be both beautiful and intelligent. There are many examples of those who have exploited their looks first to be recognized and then used their wits to maximize that exposure. Look to popular celebrities for countless examples. Unfortunately there are even more examples of women who have been abused and assaulted.

Is it being prudish to have someone ‘cover up the girls’ as is a popular expression on shows like, “What Not To Wear”, in which the male and female host equally tell overly exposed women to conceal rather than reveal too much cleavage? I don’t think so. I think it’s good practice especially when job searching.

I know personally of one person who does the hiring for his organization who won’t even take a woman into the interview room to interview her if she is exposing too much. Not only is it a safety issue for him personally, he has said that he doesn’t want their appearance to be in any way seen as a possible reason they were hired. He wants it known he hires based on abilities to perform the job being applied to. If they don’t work out, he doesn’t want the rumour mill whispering about his ‘hiring credentials’.

Part of this is just about maturing and understanding sometimes less is more attractive. It’s also understanding what employers – the majority thank heavens – really look for and want in their employees.

Touchy subject for sure and no pun intended. Just like bad teeth, terrible body odour and shorts that are too short, there are things some folks need help with understanding how they are perceived. We don’t do people any favours by avoiding such topics.

 

 

Why Are There Rules About Grooming And Clothing?

Everywhere you go there are rules. Rules on when to cross at the lights, how fast to drive your car, how to play a game, what to do and not do on a first date, how late you can stay out playing in the street, what you can and can’t wear to work. It goes on and on and on.

Most of us conform fairly willingly to rules because they are designed to keep us safe, give us an idea of what to expect, tell us what we can and can’t get away with, and how best to fit in. But what about those people who don’t conform to rules, don’t understand the rules, or just flagrantly ignore the rules the rest of us have agreed to go along with. Are these people just asking for trouble? Should we lock them up or exclude them from playing the games we play? How much time or effort should we take to educate them on the rules the rest of us have agreed to live by, and at what point, (if any), do we just distance ourselves from them entirely?

Rules generally but not always, exist because extensive experience has shown that if followed, the overall result for the majority of people will be a positive one. So in the case of the workplace, if the rules state that a woman’s skirt can be too short, flip-flops are banned, or hair has to be tied back or worn in a net, they would be based on a desired corporate image or safety and health issues. Being a rule buster and wearing your long hair while working with machinery would be an infraction that might not only cost you your job, but your very life at the worst, or severe injury at the best. So why is it then that some people will know the job requirements prior to employment or at their orientation, sign-on and accept those conditions and then later rebel and say they only want to assert their independence and freedom of choice and buck the rules? That’s a head scratcher.

Take the guy whose fly is undone. Wouldn’t you assume that’s a clothing malfunction and if you told the person they would quickly zip it up and maybe be slightly embarrassed but be oh so grateful that they didn’t walk around the entire day like that? That’s a safe bet. However take the woman whose showing a lot of cleavage. Is it equally obvious that if you tell her that she’s exposing too much that she’ll quickly button her top further up or cover up in some way? It’s a little trickier. You might be afraid she’d ask why you were looking in the first place. But would you get asked by the guy why you were looking at his crotch in the first place? Doubtful.

Whatever the rules pertaining to clothing are where you work, there is a definite reason behind those rules which have been brought about because they are in the general interest of everyone, but especially the company. Maybe the company wants all their employees to be easily recognized as in the case where uniforms are worn. Or perhaps a name tag signifies an employee but the dress code is more casual such as at a restaurant where staff have to wear black tops and bottoms but they get to wear pants or skirts, t-shirts or blouses as they wish. You might even find more restrictive rules such as steel-toed boots, hard hats and protective goggles are mandatory.

One way to get along on the job is to choose not to be controversial and wear the clothing that the employer has required or requested without challenging things and finding out what you can get away with. If you were asked to wear something you aren’t comfortable with, such as a skimpy dress and low-cut top say in a bar, you’ve got to then take a position and speak to the Management about it in a professional way and if you can’t get them to change, you might make the decision to walk away from the job itself in order to protect your dignity and not put yourself in a situation you aren’t comfortable with. It just wouldn’t be worth it to many people.

A good idea here if you have some issue with an existing dress code, is to ask to speak openly to your Supervisor, HR, Union Steward or Management itself and ask in a non-confrontational way why the rules are what they are and present an alternative that might be acceptable. In an organization I worked in many years ago, the rules for women were that pantyhose were mandatory at all times for the women. Many grumbled, and eventually one person brought it up privately with the Executive Director. The rule was relaxed because it wasn’t really based on anything except the Executive Director’s personal preference and many of the women were very grateful for the change. Not only was it brought up, but how it was presented was respectful and didn’t put anyone in a position where they would be cornered and attacked.

So what do you think?

Casualty Fridays

Some years ago, before business casual was widely in fashion, many employees tended to have to wear business suits to the office. The men wore dress shirts, ties, dress shoes and dress pants while the ladies wore blazers, blouses, pantyhose/stockings and heels. Then along came organizations like the United Way in North America which partnered with employers to allow employees to dress down on Fridays provided the employee made a financial contribution to a charity.

Even today at many offices, (including mine) employees can wear jeans to work on a Friday, ditch a dress shirt for a polo top, and pay a nominal $2.00 to a charity, (the United Way in my office). So much for what hasn’t changed. However, what has in fact changed is the broadcast of the message to the general public. Initially, one of the stipulations in many workplaces was that employees sported a pin that read, “I’m dressed this way for the United Way” or some such message. If someone asked about the pin, the employee would then tell the client or customer that they were making a financial contribution to a charity for the freedom to wear jeans to work. Oh and they couldn’t be the jeans people wear today! No tears, no rips, no stains.

So how does all this factor into a blog about job advice? Well, one of the things many Job Developers, Coaches and Employment Counsellors tell their clients is to try to observe employees at the companies they most want to work for, in order to gauge how they dress in the workplace. This gives you the chance to show up at your interview properly attired so you don’t stick out in a negative way. After all, if you look like one of them, the interviewer has an easier time seeing you working there.

So you can guess where I’m going right? Suppose the client you send out to observe employees entering the workplace chooses a Friday to do their advanced scouting. What would they take from this scene of people all walking in to work wearing runners, jeans and t-shirts/polos one day, only to find on the next Wednesday when they show up for their interview, that everybody has ramped it up to shirts/ties/blouses/dress skirts, and looking much more professional. Maybe somebody passed away and the staff are all heading off to the visitation after hours?

Now it’s a personal choice of mine to bypass the chance to sport jeans on Friday. Man I love my jeans. I change into them almost immediately every night and ditch the khaki’s or dress pants. The reason for my choice is simply this. As I work in the public with the public, even if I explained to everyone I had an interaction with the reason for why I was wearing jeans, there could be someone who sees me from across the room and makes the assumption that I’m dressed this way everyday, and that the employer finds this the norm and acceptable attire. Then they go to their interview dressed as casually, and don’t get far.

Some call them Casual Fridays however, I call them Casualty Fridays. Sometimes it’s hard to distinguish the employees from the clients/customers. I’ve heard some clients go up to others and ask, “Do you work here?” because they are confused. I think my own credibility on the subject would be skewed somewhat if I were to lead a session on Interview Preparation and Practice dressed in a T-Shirt and jeans. Wouldn’t this appear to be a, “Do as I say, not as I do” message? I never bought into those kind of messages much, and I suspect clients/customers would have an equally disconnecting moment in trying to do so. In other words my credibility would be questionable.

Let me say however, that if an employer sanctions the practice of dressing down to make a contribution to a charity, by all means every employee should have the right to make that choice once a week – especially as business attire has been replaced by business casual more and more and in more workplaces too. I would also stress that good advice would be to not admonish any co-worker who slips on a pair of jeans on a day they are allowed to by the employer. After all, the cause is good, the employer approves and obviously the employee is comfortable. All I suggest is that if you are in a position to influence, take a moment when you can to inform any potential job seeker WHY you are wearing your jeans to work on a Friday, and why it normally wouldn’t be appropriate.

Me, I’m waiting for the day I can pull out my tied-dyed jeans, lace up my black and purple platform shoes, put on my cotton french cuffed shirt which only buttons half way up my chest, and style my hair with an afro pick. That day is only approved by my employer once a year…..October 31.

Sometimes You Just Have To Laugh…At Yourself!

A couple of months ago, I created a situation for myself that caused me to laugh out loud at myself in an empty parking lot and ended up with me a little lighter in the wallet. I share this humourous story with you in the hope that you can find some humour in it too, and perhaps see behind the story itself and learn how we all have a choice on how to act when things go wrong.

Most mornings at my home, I find myself leaving the house while my wife gets a few minutes of extra time under the covers easing into her day. My routine is usually to shower, dress, breakfast and then don coat and shoes and drive to work. On this day however, my wife rose early and started watching the news on television. As I stood at the doorway, I was interested in the news story being covered, and kept my eyes on the screen as I slipped on my shoes at the door. One shoe slipped on effortlessly, the second needed a little wiggling, but soon slipped on. I kissed my wife goodbye, put out the garbage and recycling, got into the car and drove the 1 hour to work – a trip of some 95 km’s.

It was only when I parked my car at work and stepped out that I saw my footwear for the first time. One black shoe and one brown one! AND that’s not the most amazing thing. The brown shoe was the slip on variety and the black one was a lace up shoe I hadn’t bothered to untie the night before! Right there in the parking lot, I laughed aloud at my situation. Going home to change sure wasn’t an option at this point.

Up in my office I looked up on the computer to see when the local shoe store would open and found that it opened at 9:30a.m. It was now 7:40a.m. I decided not to get annoyed with myself having no one to blame but myself. I immediately started speaking with my Supervisor and co-workers who did not immediately notice my faux pas. When I pointed this out to them and told them the story, they burst out laughing WITH me, not at me. I found out that several of the women I work with keep alternative shoes at work; some have runners for walking, some have pumps if the heels get too much etc. Not me.

I ended up taking my mid morning break at 9:30 sharp, and in less than 15 minutes, had left, gone to the store, bought a pair and returned to work. The $69.99 shoes I wanted were unavailable in my size, but in the ‘last pair’ section, I found a pair of leather slip on shoes originally $99.99 marked down to $19.99 in my size only! I guess the gods, just like me, were smiling that day.

When I went to the counter to pay, I told the clerk I’d just wear them out of the store and asked for a bag for my old ones. She knew it had been raining and asked if my old shoes had leaked. I told her it was far worse than that and just help up the mismatched pair for her to see. She laughed too.

My misfortune of the morning cost me $19.99. I learned to laugh at myself, and brought laughter to my colleagues, a stranger, and one client. All in all, that’s a trade off I’d make any day…but I do check my footwear each morning just a little bit better….!

The Man in the Mirror

Funny thing about mirrors…if we feel good about ourselves; the way we look, the thickness and style of our hair, our complexions, our weight, our shape etc., we don’t mind mirrors at all. We adjust our collars, check our makeup or the trim of our beards etc.

However, if we don’t have a good self-image and don’t think we’ll like what we see, we tend to avoid mirrors, only using them when absolutely necessary. The voices in our head say things to us as we look at ourselves and whisper how we’ve let ourselves go, and what we once were, or might have been.

When looking for employment, we have to stand in front of the mirror and objectively measure not only what we see on the exterior, but also what lies within. Let’s take inventory in this post about only the exterior – what others first see.

In the privacy of your own home, get dressed in your interview or work clothes. Take a deep breath and walk in front of the full length mirror. What strikes you first about the image you see? Do you see someone who makes an assertive first impression?  Here’s some things to examine:

* Posture. Are you standing up straight, shoulders square and both feet planted firmly with equal weight on each? Try moving your hands to your hips, slightly sucking in your stomach and strike a Supeman pose. Do you notice more confidence in the image you see? Even if you know you’re faking it at this point, do you sense a shift for the better?

* Grooming. If you normally don’t have facial hair, but notice you’ve got a day or two (or three) of stubble – shave it! A scruffy look can make you look haggard, older, and this is especially true if your facial hair is anything but jet black or dark brown.

* Size. Okay it’s just you standing there…be honest. Could you use to put on a few pounds because you’re not eating properly due to stress? Or the opposite, have you gained unusual weight because of your stress and inactivity? Making some changes now to your diet for the better and getting some moderate excercise will help reduce stress, move you to your ideal weight and help you prepare for the day you land that interview.

* Clothing. Are your clothes fitting properly? Are the clothes cleaned, ironed, shirts and blouses pressed? Are there mud or salt stains on the cuffs of your pants that you hadn’t noticed. Best to take care of these things now rather than the morning of the interview and you’ll feel more vulnerable.

Sometimes the thing that bothers us most about unemployment is the loss of control we feel coupled with the loss of purpose and direction. When we have a job, we wake up knowing where we will go, what we will do and what is expected of us. When job searching though we wake up wondering IF we will get a call, MAYBE I’ll get a response today, and try to stay within easy access to phones, our emails etc., any of which could change how we spend our day. Taking control of our exterior appearance, is one way to get control over ourselves. Get your interview outfit(s) cleaned and ready to go.

Smile at the Man in the Mirror. Learn to master the reflection staring out at you and when you do, take that confidence into your job search routine and share that image with everyone you meet. Confidence is contagious and people will like to be around you, help you, talk with you and …. yes…. work with you!