Yes You Are A Person Of Value

In my line of work I come into contact on a daily basis with people who have poor or fragile self-esteem. In fact, if you were listening in on the conversations we have you’d hear many of them state unequivocally that they have zero self-esteem, no personal pride and feel they have nothing to offer any decent employer out there. As a consequence, many feel that all the bad things that happen to them in their lives come because they deserve them.

It is truly heart-breaking to see people who are broken and resigned to lives where they’ve given up; given up just trying to lead what they see as a normal life. They want a steady job, to feel appreciated and valued, to earn their way in this world and most of all to shed feelings of guilt, anxiety, depression, low-self image and fatigue.

Unfortunately they’ve been negatively influenced by key people in their lives on a long-term regular basis. Isn’t it a sad commentary that there are so many others who actually seek out those with poor self-image and low self-esteem in order to ultimately control these people by dominating them for their own gain?

Sometimes it starts with members of ones own family with verbal abuse. Comments like, “Why can’t you be successful like your big sister?” or “You’ll never amount to much you know” are hurtful and can become ingrained in the person’s mind when on the receiving end. Not doing well in school or in those awkward teenage years (which many of us experienced) is magnified and only acts as further proof when the verbally bashing is going on at home.

Take this into early adulthood and predatory people who look to target others and victimize them appear on the one hand to take care of them, but on the other hand treat them poorly. Oddly enough, some victims think how they are being treated is normal; that in some perverted way they deserve what they get. Sad.

Ideas of financial independence, self-reliance, self-governance and respect are alien and ideas of long-term planning, setting and reaching personal goals and being successful aren’t even on their radar.

Here’s the good news. Everyone is a person of value; yes you too. You might not believe it at the moment and think  everyone ELSE is a person of value, but I believe that there’s value in you.

While you might have a lot of difficulty identifying useful skills and the kind of work that you’d be good at and more to the point enjoy, you’d be wrong if you think nobody out there would hire a person like you. This is essential to realize because you might have someone in your life who continues to put you down, tells you you’re worthless and you’re best just to continue to do what they tell you.

These kind of people aren’t healthy to be around because of the way in which they exploit others. These folks would rather seek out and dominate others rather than struggle to advance themselves in society. But back to you rather than wasting more time speaking of them.

Let’s suppose you’re living on a fixed income; social support. Have you ever considered that you’re an expert on stretching your resources in order to put food on the table? A lot of the folks who work in government and decide how much a person on assistance gets couldn’t themselves navigate the systems they create but you do every day. In other words, if many employed people lost their jobs today, they wouldn’t thrive as well as you do and they’d be looking to you for guidance.

I bet you’re resilient; you thrive by adapting to the situations in which you find yourself. You’ve got stamina and I suspect you also have a good eye for bargains; you know where to shop for the best deals, you’ve got a network of contacts in the community you can rely on and maybe you even know the places to go for food, clothing and other kinds of help.

Are you someone who others dump their troubles on? Could be others see you as a good listener and someone they can trust with their secrets. You’re adaptable for sure.

A good idea is to write down what you’re good at and how others see you; the good people not those controlling negative types. If you have problems, that makes you normal; human. We all have issues of one kind or another and some of us have multiple issues; some people who look together would surprise you.

Before you can hunt down the kind of work that’s right for you, it’s a good first step to get to know yourself and what makes you tick. Contact community services in your community and ask about Life Management classes, personal improvement workshops and self-help or development programs. Each community will be able to support you with help depending on what they offer.

I’m proud of you for having put up with all the negativity you’ve had to over your life time. Now is your time however; let’s do something about it and break free so you can have the life you deserve!

Not you I’m talking about? Do someone a favour and consider sharing  this online or posting this in your workplace where someone might see it and start a conversation.

 

Cleavage And The Job Search

The blog today goes where few choose to tread because the topic alone is sure to get a reaction. It’s one of the few things I find people can’t help but notice yet are extremely uncomfortable talking about when working with job seekers – especially to the person themselves. What am I talking about? Exposed cleavage.

Now before you jump all over me or dismiss me as just another man who can’t see anything but a woman’s breasts, hear me out. As an Employment Counsellor who is expected to help those looking for work to realize and overcome their barriers to employment, am I really doing my job if I only point out what I’m comfortable talking about? I think it’s appropriate in this capacity to go into areas that are uncomfortable for some if it’s going to help those looking for work obtain the kind of work they are looking for.

Every so often I come across a young woman who is looking for a job who has by choice made a decision to wear a top that exposes too much of her breasts and cleavage. My typically reaction is to pause and wish I didn’t have to deal with the topic but know I must if I’m to really do my job. My training comes into play, a need for caution lest I be accused of anything inappropriate on my part in even looking, and some quick mental calculations of how the situation should be handled.

Perhaps in some situations it’s best to have the topic covered by a female co-worker. In others it’s best to have a co-worker present to act as a witness to what is said. And yet in others the best thing to do is to just make a matter-of-fact comment akin to covering them up before proceeding. It may be in other situations that other things are talked of first to build some trust first so the person knows your intent is entirely honourable.

There are of course some employers who are looking for exactly this kind of woman to work for them. Sadly I think, but true nonetheless. You can Goolge the oogle and find them in the restaurant business for example where large successful chains actually name their franchises after this particular part of the body. Those that work there dress in clothing that shall we say, accentuates.

All of this aside, I think it is extremely sad to see young, naïve women who really want to work but don’t see any issue with how they are dressed and exposing themselves. I fear for them honestly, because they are susceptible to being taken advantage of. I know from hearing the experiences of other women that  there are some employers who go out of their way to find these women and put them in situations where they are working in seedy establishments, put in skimpy outfits and it is clear that they are there to bring in customers who go in for a good look.

“If you’ve got it flaunt it right?” I’ve heard that. There is a popular pressure many people feel to be pretty and attractive. Just look at television and billboards. You can see as well as anyone that there’s a push to have beautiful hair, get rid of wrinkles, body hair, firm and shape the body, flatten the stomach etc. Not hard then to see that a young woman might want to show off what she’s got.

Oh and it’s not only the guys that notice. No, I see other people both male and female turn, look, look away and then look back. Sometimes those looks are lustful and sometimes those looks are just looks of disbelief.

Being yourself is one thing. Wanting to be taken seriously and have people value you for your mind first is another. And don’t misconstrue; one can be both beautiful and intelligent. There are many examples of those who have exploited their looks first to be recognized and then used their wits to maximize that exposure. Look to popular celebrities for countless examples. Unfortunately there are even more examples of women who have been abused and assaulted.

Is it being prudish to have someone ‘cover up the girls’ as is a popular expression on shows like, “What Not To Wear”, in which the male and female host equally tell overly exposed women to conceal rather than reveal too much cleavage? I don’t think so. I think it’s good practice especially when job searching.

I know personally of one person who does the hiring for his organization who won’t even take a woman into the interview room to interview her if she is exposing too much. Not only is it a safety issue for him personally, he has said that he doesn’t want their appearance to be in any way seen as a possible reason they were hired. He wants it known he hires based on abilities to perform the job being applied to. If they don’t work out, he doesn’t want the rumour mill whispering about his ‘hiring credentials’.

Part of this is just about maturing and understanding sometimes less is more attractive. It’s also understanding what employers – the majority thank heavens – really look for and want in their employees.

Touchy subject for sure and no pun intended. Just like bad teeth, terrible body odour and shorts that are too short, there are things some folks need help with understanding how they are perceived. We don’t do people any favours by avoiding such topics.