Pondering What To ‘Be’?

When you were young… really young, your knowledge of, ‘what you could be’ was limited to the careers of the people you came into contact with in real life or story books. There were the jobs your parent(s) held, the people who worked in your neighbourhood, the folks in your Child Care Centre or School, and that was about it.

If you were asked, you probably answered with certainty that you were going to be a Princess, a Construction Worker, a Police Officer, A Doctor or Explorer. With the passing of each year, the circle of people you knew and the jobs they held got bigger. You went different places around town and out of town. You watched television, the school had career days and you met people at campgrounds, playgrounds, parks, museums, fairgrounds and Recreation Centres. You couldn’t possibly have decided to, ‘be’ any of these people when you were a toddler simply because you had no idea the jobs they held even existed.

The same is true for people in their teens and twenties; you gain the knowledge of what people, ‘do’ and the jobs or careers they hold only as you become introduced to them and exposed to their work. So again, if you ask some people in their teens or 20’s what it is they want to do with their working life, they 1) may not know, 2) may think they know or 3) may know. The teacher they become might indeed be what they’ve wanted to become since they first understood what a Teacher was and did, and same for the Firefighter or Construction Worker.

And as with option 2 above, some might definitively tell you what they are working towards, but 5 years later if you caught up with them, their career direction took a right turn somewhere as they gained awareness of some other career that sparked their interest.

The people who don’t know however, are the ones who ironically, get the oddest advice a lot of the time such as, “Well you’d better figure it out soon…you’re 23 after all!” So why is this odd advice? From my point of view, it’s odd because the one thing most of us can agree on is that we want people to hold jobs or careers that they truly love and are passionate about. When someone isn’t sure what they want to, ‘be’, all they’re really saying is that they haven’t had a fire ignite within with respect to a job description. And wouldn’t it be preferable to having them in a job that fires their imagination, brings them happiness and joy, and one that authentically inspires a person who loves what they do?

What people need who are trying to figure it out, are two things: 1) Time and 2) Exposure. A person needs time to find and be exposed to the job or career that’s going to flick the switch. Unfortunately, daily pressures like needing food and rent money often necessitate a person ‘settling’ for a job that doesn’t feed their passion. In my case, it took until I was 42 years old to come to being an Employment Counsellor and Coach. Ah, but what I didn’t know is that the years I spent in other jobs and careers was the very training I needed to excel at this role.

As I’d never needed the services of an Employment Counsellor, I had no exposure to what is involved in the job. None of my relatives, friends or colleagues ever used or talked about what this person does in their work. Yet, I was so much bettere suited to the role in coming to it when I did than I would have right out of school. By my early 40’s, I’d worked in Retail, Pronvicial and Municipal Government, Recreation, Non-Profit / Profits, Volunteered in Entertainment, been self-employed and experienced unemployment and what it took to job search as well as how that unemployment affected my self-esteem. In short, I had life experience which gave me sincere empathy and understanding for what it takes to job search.

So what can YOU do if you’re concerned about someone’s lack of career direction? Support them with patience, expose them to various jobs and careers, encourage them to try a variety of jobs without the pressure to find a 40 year long job that will define their career.

We all get there at some point and a person’s work life might be a single career, a few careers, or a series of jobs in various fields that collectively make up their work life. There’s no guarantee of happiness nor any guarantee of disppointment in any scenario, so don’t presume to know what their personal choice will result in.

Just. Be. Patient.

Explaining The Resume Employment Gap

Understandably, there are a number of people who worry about how to deal with gaps on their resume. The advice most often given is to change from listing your jobs in chronological order to a resume based on your skills and achievements which is a functional resume style. Then there’s the second most often suggestion of using a hybrid
of both styles. The thing is, savvy employers, Hiring Managers and Recruiters
can spot gaps easily so this doesn’t really alleviate the issue.

I have a couple of options to suggest, and I’ve shared these with enough people over the years that I know they actually work, which is comforting if you’re in the this position and want to try proven methods. Hey, what’s worked for others might work for you. The
thing is, you should use a strategy that you feel confident in and that you can
defend well if questioned. So perhaps one of these might work for you.

Firstly, rethink your apprehension about the gap on your resume. This just doesn’t have the same stigma as it did in years past, although I do acknowledge that when it’s
personal, it’s hard not to feel the issue is a huge one. However, there are
many people who have found themselves out of work for reasons beyond their
control, and the large number of people that this affects means that your situation
in the bigger picture might be less of an issue for an employer than you
perceive it to be.

Consider, companies relocate, they downsize, they move in different directions, shift their resources to other departments, divisions and locations. Not every employee can move with the company and many find themselves out of work. Recently in the news, a large
financial organization cut their global workforce and the CBC reported a lost
of some 2,000+ jobs. You can bet those affected now have gaps beginning on
their collective work histories and yet, they have credible explanations to
offer – in other words, situations beyond their individual control.

Consider too the many other reasons for being out of work such as caring for a family member in an end-of-life circumstance, a spouse job relocation requiring the affected person to resign, move and start looking for skill-based employment.

Yes the reasons for being out of work are many and yet so many job seekers fear an employer is really only thinking one thing; “You’re out of work so you must be problematic; I should therefore be cautious about hiring you, especially when there’s so many other
applicants.”

Here’s another strategy that I’ve shared with some job seekers, and again, it will work best if it indeed fits with your specific circumstance. Acknowledge the gap with confidence and share with the company in both an interview and your cover letter that you could have
quickly filled that gap by taking a meaningless job outside your area of
expertise, but your strong integrity wouldn’t exploit a company who hired you
that way. In other words, you refused to go out and get a job you had no
commitment to and would quit when you did find a job in your field, and while
it would have filled the gap, it would have left an employer going through the
hiring process in short order; an employer who showed confidence in hiring you
which you then betrayed by hiring on with no intention of giving them what you
considered their fair value.

So what did you do? You took the time to; stepped back and evaluated your situation at that point, you assessed your existing skills, decided which ones you most wanted to use moving forward. Then perhaps you took a course, completed some training, upgraded your
education, improved your physical fitness, devoted time and focus to repairing
an estranged relationship with a family member, (which is now resolved and
allows you to focus 100% on employment), Perhaps you even enlisted professional
help from an Employment Coach / Counsellor in order to ensure your career path
was truly on tract and now you’re re-energized, you’re focused, you’re authentically
ready to go.

And all the previous paragraph is really about another strategy in dealing with the employment gap. You see, it’s not so much the gap itself but rather, WERE YOU PRODUCTIVE DURING THAT TIME?

So, imagine the scenario where two employees are laid off simultaneously and one putters around the apartment and stagnates. The other takes a few courses – and courses online often can be found at no charge by the way. They also get their First Aid/CPR completed and complete a few projects that have been weighing on their mind and distracting them from focusing 100% on their job. Both are before the employer in the interview stage and while both
are blameless for being unemployed unexpectedly, one has little to say about
how they spent their time and the other has better positioned themselves to
compete. All things being equal…

So my job advice is that IF you find yourself unemployed
now, evaluate what you’re doing to add value to your marketability with respect
to your field and those you’ll compete with. Look at job postings that you can
realistically compete for and see what employers want that you lack.
Investigate the cost of money and time to obtain the courses, training etc.
that they want and take the steps to sign up. You’ll feel better because you’re
accomplishing something and this will aid your mental health too.

The other benefit of being unemployed which may not have occurred
to you is that many people with jobs are unhappy and unfulfilled, and what they
feel envious of are the people who have the TIME to revaluate what they want to
do and sort things out. If you’re the one between jobs now, take advantage of
this time by doing some self-assessment of your interests, skills, abilities
and you may just find that a change of career direction appeals to you for your
next role. If so, you’ll find yourself pursuing something that really interests
you and therefore your level of enthusiasm will improve, you’ll be in a better
state of mind and you might find that smile back that’s been missing.

One Week Back At Work

Like so many others, 2021 began with me working from home. I relished the experience and would jump at the opportunity to do it again – not that I want a 3rd wave pandemic to be the cause – but I thrived in that environment. Not only was I able to connect with and guide those I worked in partnership on their career journey’s, I voluntarily gave my employer more hours of service than I was compensated for. Good for the employer, good for people working with me, good for everyone all around.

However, as was always to be the case, the inevitable return to the office came about and for me it was Monday of this week. So, having been back for a week now, I feel the time is right to share a little of the experience being back, hoping that a recounting and sharing might be helpful for readers who have a looming return to their workplace.

I must say, an odd feeling came over me once a specific date was announced as a return to the office. I mean, working with and on behalf of people my entire life,  service to others is what I’m all about. Yet, there I was, not entirely comfortable with the idea of meeting and interacting in person with people I’d come to know as co-workers and the general public. That alien feeling was present, though not to a degree that it had me contemplating any kind of fight to remain working at home. Seeing the bigger picture, a return to in-person service was always the plan, and I knew it was the intent of my employer to return to this as a normal way of practice.

My thoughts ranged from how to handle initial encounters with colleagues. Hands would I hoped, not be extended to shake, and hugs I trusted, would be completely discouraged. Not that I’m against either practice in, ‘normal’ times, but we are after all, still not completely out of the woods and back to everything as it once was. I started thinking of my physical workspace, being as it is located in a common room with no walls except the one behind me, and open to people on three sides, used by the public and colleagues alike.

My concerns were and remain legitimate and real. Being 62 and a type 2 diabetic, I have additional cause to keep myself protected as much as possible, not only safeguarding myself but also for family, friends etc. I wondered about and hoped that colleagues were taking necessary precautions and being as vigilant as I was to protect not only themselves, but me in the process.

So there I was on Monday, back in the office along with the entire organization, standing in our Resource Centre, welcomed back by our Executive Director. It’s got to be satisfying at that level to see all your staff back in one place, healthy and safe, and taking the next step to normal business operations. The public still can’t walk in for service – not yet – but they will in time and this staged re-opening allows everyone to ease into the environment and familiarize themselves with not only known colleagues, but also the half dozen or so hired during the closure of the office whom we’ve only met online.

Now 5 days in, I’m happy to report that colleagues are still taking the proper precautions; physically distancing themselves, using hand sanitizer frequently, wearing masks properly and having their temperatures taken upon arriving at work.  People knocking on our doors are being either politely informed we aren’t open to the public, or if they do have a scheduled appointment, they are duly screened at the door.

All of the above has me feeling safe and secure, and that translates to allowing me to focus on the work I’m here to do. Much better than feeling anxious, cautious, and only focusing 60% or so on work while looking furtively around, suspicious of everyone and feeling a need to look out for myself because no one else cares to. That would not be a positive experience.

Now to you.

I’ve no idea how you feel about an impending return to your workplace; be it office, warehouse, store etc. My hope for you is that you come to have the same level of high confidence in the leadership there as I have where I work. It’s everyone’s responsibility to ensure that we’re all safe. Sure employers have a larger responsibility, but as my Executive Director said to us all on Monday, “if you see someone not wearing their mask properly, just say, “mask up please”.

Health and Safety Committees abound in many organizations, and in addition to checking on hazards in the workplace, one of their roles is also going to be checking in and responding to concerns staff may have directly related to protocols around Covid-19 pandemic safeguards. If we all take safeguards seriously and do our part as directed by our Health Units, we maximize our chances of working safely and preventing illnesses, or a return to some further closures in another wave.

May we all feel safe, protected and come to feel comfortable in our return to workplaces be they new to us or old familiar haunts.

Find The Right Fit And You Win

Of all the people you know, who’s the one person who knows you best? You. Oh sure you might be inclined to say it’s your partner and yes, I’ll admit my wife knows me exceedingly well given our 37 plus years of marriage. Yet, there are many times in a day when I’m in the company of me, myself and I. At work, in the garden, reading a book, playing the guitar or hey, writing this piece, it’s only me and my thoughts are mine alone.

So you know yourself; your likes and dislikes, the things that inspire, confuse, excite, demoralize, stress and stimulate you. Some people know some of these things about you no doubt, but the only one who knows all of these things about you is you.

I’ve said many times that a terrific thing to undertake is to do an inventory of your strengths, areas to improve, skills, values, morals, motivations, fears, personal characteristics and qualities. If you feel you just, ‘intrinsically know’ all these things, I won’t argue the point. However, if you can’t verbalize your workplace values, define success and measure where you are in relation to it, name 20 of your top skills and provide if asked, demonstrated proof of those skills, you might want to consider getting around to formally documenting these things. But that’s not my point I wish to share here.

What I do want to talk about is not just figuring out what role(s) you want in this life you’re living, but with whom do you want to share your gifts? So if you know you want to be an Electrician, that’s wonderful! However, how much thought do you put into the organization you want to be employed by? If you’re simply going online and applying to a job because the job title matches what you want, that’s not the best way to maximize the odds of being happy in the job should you land there. And despite all the great advice from many Job Coaches and Employment Counsellor’s, many still research the job but not the employer.

That’s kind of like saying, “I want to be married” without putting a great deal of thought into the person you’re going to be with. Come to think of it, I may have inadvertantlly and unintentionally just stumbled on to why we have such high divorce rates. Could be too many people who want to get married rush into things without taking the time to, ‘research’ and get to know their potential life partner. Of course, there are people who figure marriage is a two to three year commitment and then move on just like some people do with jobs.

3 things are needed to be ultimately happy career-wise; a job you love, having the skills and expertise to do it well and thirdly, the pay that makes the job one you can afford to work at as it fulfills your financial needs. That first one though – a job you love – isn’t only the role but includes the organization with whom you partner.

Some people make the mistake of believing they have the right job, then finding out that it’s not what they thought it was all about, they change careers and choose something new. Sadly, I’ve often found that the peson knew themselves well enough to pick the right job or career, but they make the mistake of believing that one bad experience with one employer was representative of all other simililar job titles with other employers.

You may find for example that one company instructs all their Electricians to get in and get out asap when on a job in order to maximize the number of jobs they bill for in a day. This might leave you the front-line employee and Electrician running from job to job feeling very little satisfaction. On the other hand, another company might want their employees to complete work while encouraging their Electricians to interact with customers and explain what they are doing, how to avoid future overloads and promote electrical safety in the home or workplace. Both strategies could make the company the same funds. One billing for 8 jobs but less time with each customer and the other billing for 5 jobs but for more time with each.

As the Electrician, you might find yourself with a preference for one environment or what we call workplace culture. It’s not that the job or career was wrong, it’s possibly the job or career was a good fit but the employer wasn’t. Two different ways of operating and two different types of people will fit. One is task-focused employee and the other a mixture of task and desire to educate using their people skills.

Okay so what about you? Are you in the right job but perhaps working in the wrong environment? Considering the length of years you have left to work, you’ve got to calculate the cost of remaining a round peg in a square hole, or finding a round hole that fits what you’re after. Again, get the job you’re great at, that pays well, and that you love, and you win! You’re happiness hangs in the balance.

Heading Back And Moving Forward

When the Covid-19 pandemic first starting gaining traction and gaining world-wide awareness, I recall resolving to abstain from blogging about it. First and foremost, I felt it was so prominent in the news, that this coupled with social media adding to the information already out there could potentially create fatigue in readers saturated with too much on the receiving end.

Now however, as many organizations recall or prepare to transition their staff back to workplaces, I feel the climate might be right for a read. While many have talked about a return to what once was deemed, ‘normal’, I personally rather feel that our, “getting back to work” might look very different. I’m just not sure in all cases if what becomes our new, ‘normal’ will be recognizable as what we’ve experienced and how we’ve gone about work in the past. 

It is clear that some businesses were forced to adapt how they moved their services and products into the hands of their customers. For many, this meant creating webpages, learning how to conduct transactions online, discovering anew how to market themselves and yes, go find their customers who in the past were the ones finding them. For many, I gather this was not such a bad thing whatsoever. In fact, some business owners have said they knew the need was there to explore online marketing or sales, and the pandemic gave them the push needed to adapt rather than fold.

Employees who were fortunate to keep their jobs during the worst days of the pandemic had in many respects, the greatest adjustments to make. For those who worked in the community in face-to-face contact with the public, their customers or clients and guests, this meant using personal protective equipment. Where that used to conjure up images of someone in a nuclear power plant or working in a lab, it meant ordinary folks were donning masks, face shields, using hand sanitizer frequently, refraining from getting within 6 feet of others, and sneezing into crooked elbows and all the while refraining from touching their faces. Did you notice just how often we reflexively touch our faces?

For the employees who suddenly found themselves working from home, there too was adjustments. There were Zoom, Teams, Skype and Ring Central Meetings to learn about. There were webinars and online team meetings to attend, renovations to be made so space became private and business appropriate. There were children passing in and out of camera views, tails of cats suddenly walking by online and dogs heard barking off screen who needed to be taken out and let back in. A knock on the door became a true event of curiosity and excitement; after all, we were in the belly of a pandemic and people just weren’t supposed to be out and about.

Some business thrived though. Courier vehicles delivering packages started making more than the odd appearance – dare I say daily as I observed. Amazon and Wayfair simply buzzed with activity and many chose to avoid going in supermarkets altogether and simply ordered their food in advance and waited in their vehicles for personal shoppers to bring out their purchases. That $3 or $5 fee for the service might have initially seemed an extravagance, but compare that to the many dollars saved when not buying impulse items. Personal Shoppers and Covid Checkers outside businesses were jobs that came about only because of the pandemic.

And now, we contemplate or have already begun the business of returning to work. How are you feeling about that transition? I remember John, Paul, George and Ringo first singing all those years ago, “Get back! Get back! Get back to where you once belonged.”  Odd how we might feel trepidation or anxiety the first few times we get back. The problem is that some people will immediately revert to handshakes and hugs while others will be cautious and adhere to social distancing. What do you do when someone shouts your name and walks over briskly with their arms open wide? What do you do if you’re the one looking for a hug and a previous hugger suddenly holds up a hand and says, “Whoa! What are you thinking?” 

And this is where Management teams have to assert themselves and both educate their workers as well as set the standards themselves. If and when people ignore the health standards and requirements, just like any other health and safety offence, a conversation and/or discipline has to follow. 

Maybe that’s the understanding we all have to have; right now, shaking hands, hugging, choosing not to wear your mask properly – these are similar to not wearing your steel-toed boots or tying off your safety harness. The only difference being you get in a nail in your own foot or you fall and kill yourself. When you don’t wear your mask or don’t respect distancing, you potentially harm not only yourself, you potentially harm co-workers, their families and anyone they come into contact with. 

People’s feelings are to be respected and are valid, no question. When one’s beliefs don’t align with others, in this instance you turn to science and experts; not the kind you find in a random online search, but subject matter professionals. 

When back in the workplace, my hope for us all is that we feel safe, secure and respected; whatever our new normal becomes.

When Did You Give Up On Your Dream?

Hang on a second. If you think I’m going to admonish you for giving up on something which at one point at least, you really wanted, well, that’s not going to happen. Why would I do that? There’s no gain in it for me and as for the reasons why you gave up on something, well that’s entirely your business. Your reasons are your reasons and the life you’re leading is entirely yours to live as you choose. I for one, hope it’s going well.

But it’s likely that you did give up on some – and here’s the word we have to substitute to fit your circumstances – thing, where, or body. Okay to spell it out, it’s likely that you did give up on something, somewhere or somebody. It’s just straight mathematical probability. After all, you’ve been on this earth how long? And considering that length of time, it’s probable that you believed in something you held dear, somewhere you promised yourself you’d like to get to for a visit or to live. And it’s likely that during all this time you’ve been on this planet, you believed in somebody; someone you may have eventually come to doubt, somebody you no longer believe in. That somebody might even just be you.

Oh we’ve all got reasons you know; responsibilities came along, we had to grow up, we had to settle down, people told us to be practical. We might have failed a few times in whatever we were aspiring for, or saw the frailty of human spirit in those we’d once held high.

When you had that dream of roaming around the country with that free spirt of yours it was a different time. Man, you were young back then and had a lot fewer things to hold you down when you think of it. You had the whole world in your hands – well – that’s what people told you. “You can do anything my boy!” “Why young lady, just dream and make it happen!” Ironically much of this kind of advice came from people who felt similarly at one point in their own lives but never quite lived up to their own dreams and visions. But you, well, back then they looked at you through envious eyes and tried to merge their acquired wisdom with your youthfulness and hoped it would set a fire to your ambitions, whatever they may be.

And dream you did. For some it was a job as an Astronomer, traveling the world for others or a big house with a wrought iron black fence and electronic entry gate. Maybe it was believing in your own children, your parents as ideal role models, a political candidate you honestly believed was going to revolutionize the free market. You believed! But; and it’s a huge but, you evolved and grew up and as you grew, you felt entlightenment and wisdom to put away your previous dreams and replace them with new ones. The new ones weren’t like the old ones though. These new dreams were more sensible, obtainable, rational and achieveable. By reducing the magnitude of what they were and the difficulty in making them come true, your own sense of accomplishment came naturally.

Yet every so often, something you hear, see, feel, touch or taste reminds you of those past things you gave up on. Just a gentle prod mind you; not enough of a push to get you all riled up and making a major life change to recapture that urge to make your dreams of past days come true. No, just a delicate brush of remembrance so you know what’s past.

We do evolve and grow. As we interact with more people, see new things and experience the world in new ways for the first time it is only natural to move on and make different choices. When we look back, it’s not with regret all the time. No, sometimes we just realize that in those moments of decision, we made choices which we deemed the best, given the knowledge we had in those moments.

When we first dreamed of what we wanted to be in life, we were in our infancy, playing Fireman, Doctor and Teacher. No child of two ever happily played at being Arborist or Meterologist. Those play figures just don’t exist and those occupations have yet to even come into such a childs’ consciousness. To give up on those career aspirations of Fireman, Doctor and Teacher is normal as they become replaced with others. No guilt felt in replacing those dreams by the majority.

Dreams can be sources of inspiration, give us hope and motivate us to movement. The one thing I hope you never come to give up on of course is yourself.

I encourage you to live not in the present bemoaning the choices and unrealized dreams of the past, but rather live in the present moving towards your future dreams. If you’ve got some dreams, well good for you! Go for them. If people say you should get your head out of the clouds and come down to earth, giving up on your dreams, it’s really up to you whether you follow that advice or your heart.

Some thing, some place, some one or yourself. Don’t give up on them lightly. But of course if you do, you’ve got your reasons.

 

Be Kind To Yourself

For those who believe in and celebrate Christmas, there’s a widespread practice that around this time of year, we’re all a little kinder to each other. Our smiles are a little bit more genuine as well as frequent, and perhaps we’re a little more forgiving to those we meet, both those we know and those we don’t.

Our Christmas carols, which we know by heart despite only singing them one month a year, have themes of coming home for Christmas, seeing good in others, and being surrounded by friends and loved ones. All in all, it’s a time of year when we look with a smile on the efforts of children being extra good, we chase away the long, dark nights with candles and Christmas lights lit, and we watch yet again the Christmas specials we’ve grown up with for decades.

That’s the experience of some of us during the lead up to Christmas. For a great number of people, this is also a time fraught with anxiety, worry, doubt, confusion and feelings that our emotions are out of control. There’s concerns about traveling in wintry weather, doubts about the sizes of clothing gifts we’ve bought, questions of whether we’ve spent too much or too little on others, and worry over the quality and quantity of food for the big day. Our brains just won’t turn off.

And then comes Christmas of 2020. My goodness… what a year. Unable to gather as we wish, people we’re not allowed to see, restrictions in stores we need to visit, having to adapt and buy online if we’ve held out doing so up to now.

Ironically, you’d think there would be less worry and stress this year for many. Seriously, think of the advantages. No large and awkward family reunions, no big turkey to buy for a gathering of 18, no crowded malls to tackle, nor driving to various destinations on Christmas day to keep both sets of parents happy. Sleeping late on Christmas morning is now an option for those who wish it who are without grandkids, neices and nephews waking up and dragging them to the tree. There’s no rush to shovel the driveway because no one is coming during the pandemic. There’s no cheeks pinched by aunts, nor kisses or hugs from relatives that smell of smoke or overpowering cologne or perfume. None of it.

Despite these, ‘benefits’, our level of stress, anxiety, worry and doubt still persist and actually seem to have escalated this year. Perhaps we’re all starring in our own, ‘made for life’ Christmas movie where we get the life we’ve wished for but are only just now coming to realize isn’t the one we want. Maybe we’re getting a little glimpse into the treasures we already have that we haven’t fully appreciated until now. Maybe that awkward family reunion is – dare I say – something we’re now missing, although we’ll deny it if we’re asked. Maybe sleeping in on Christmas morning is an option, but what will really happen is we’ll wake up, sit alone in the wee hours of the morning and in the utter quiet, suddenly miss those little feet scampering across the floor and bodies falling on us in bed urging us up. We’re not sleeping in at all, despite the emptiness.

What I’m alerting you to is a potential problem here folks, so please listen up. There’s every possibility that your thoughts are going to drift to feelings of guilt and disappointment. You may feel sad and not just for a moment, but for longer than is healthy. Whereas in years past you worried about whether the gift you bought would be really appreciated and make someone happy, maybe this year you’d welcome the usual chaos in the house just to have everyone together. You want it, they want it, but everyone is putting safety first and it’s a socially distanced Christmas for 2020; something no one in the past 2,020 years would even understand the meaning of.

Being kind to others at this time of year is more important than ever. Spare a thought for those who work in front-line healthcare and who, by now, must be feeling the impact of long-term strain. Think on the minimum-wage earning Cashiers and Store Clerks who’d rather not wear a mask for 7 hours nor be expose themselves to all the shoppers, but have no choice, other than to quit. Be kind to those who have to shut their business or switch to online only. Spare some thought for those laid off or have hours drastically cut, still with bills to pay and worries anew.

But spare some kindness for yourself. Yes you. You’re doing the best you can to cope with all 2020 has thrown your way. No one has gone through this before and no one is fully equipped with all the answers. We’re all doing the best we can and your best may or may not measure up to others scrutiny. So be it. It can be hard to see an end to this panemic and a return to the lives we had, but most of us will get that back. When we do, perhaps we’ll even have a better appreciation for the little things that matter most too.

Be kind to yourself. Be forgiving of your thoughts and mood when you try your best but fall short of who you’d like to be.

When The Going Gets Tough

You’ve likely heard that familiar phrase, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” It is a compliment to those who bear down and work hard when the conditions are equally hard. With hard work, what’s viewed as tough is overcome.

There’san addition to that phrase you might be less familiar with. “When the going gets tough, the tough get going. The smart left a long time ago.” This is a nod for those who saw the tough times ahead and actively took steps to avoid the tough going to come.

I suppose it’s an accurate assessment to say that not only do we see ourselves as generally favouring one or the other, but we’re likely to do either one depending on the situation. We definitely might roll up our sleeves and tackle tough situations; why we might even draw inspiration from the challenge of whatever threatens our productivity or success! At the same time, we might also see something upleasant and tough ahead and determine that we’re in posiiton to avoid it altogether and the effort isn’t worth it. For example, I’ve known people who have been close enough to retirement that they decide to leave early rather than learn what they see as a complicated and new piece of technology.

It’s not that one saying is right and one is categorically wrong. It’s more that we as individuals size up the challenge ahead of us and make a decision to get going or we don’t. Yes, in some situations we’re smart to protect our physical or mental health by removing ourselves from the situation if we perceive it as dangerous or not in our best interests. Take when forest fires or floods are approaching a community and while the smart leave when instructed, dig in until the water or fire is upon them and only then do they get going, often needing rescuing.

The issue that causes divisions amongst us can come about when others we work with and/or care for greatly, don’t have the same views as we do. While we’ve taken a position that we’re comfortable with, so have they, and it can strain a relationship if the decisions aren’t united. In the case of a coworker retiring, while we might want them to stick around and face the tough sledding together, it’s likely that we understand and even appreciate their decision as wise and in their own best interests. We may be happy for them.

However, when the situation is closer to home, we might feel and react very differently. Suppose for example we see our son or daughter considering dropping a course they find extremely tough, or worse yet, dropping school altogether because in their view, it’s just too tough and not worth the grief. It’s probable that now that this involves our own children, we are less likely to appreciate their decision and be happy for them. Perhaps we’d try to convince them to struggle on, get a tutor, and/or talk to school officials because the reward of overcoming the challenge far outweighs the consequence of dropping out. And what we might also worry over is that this could set a future pattern of avoiding tough times more and more and failing to learn from working through them, gaining that feeling of accomplishment and self-satisfaction.

At work, we might extend an offer of help to a coworker in tough. Be they a teammate or someone on another team, we want this person we work with daily to be in a positive frame of mind, be able to do their work with confidence and gain the skills required to continue to perform the work they’ve done previously. The thing is however, this is a person who we feel is entirely entitled to make their own call; to do what’s right for them. We might choose differently were we in their situation, but we respect their decision.

When it’s us that makes a decision to avoid something tough, we generally hope it’s the kind of situation that won’t come back to haunt us. Putting something off we find hard doesn’t typically make this tough thing go away. It can sometimes just leave us with less time and fewer resources to tackle it. When we eventually face it head on, such as cramming for an exam the night before, we might thrive on the increased pressure and higher demands, or we might falter badly and resort to asking other people to throw us a lifeline.

Facing up to tough situations immediately isn’t always the best strategy either. No, sometimes it’s best to let others with more time, expertise, experience and ingenuity lead first and work out some of the difficulties, then when things are clearer for us, return to walk us through. This can lead to higher success with less worry, anxiety and lower failure rates.

The point is to accurately determine when facing something tough is a good idea and when removing ourselves from a looming bad situation is the right thing to do. It’s all about using good judgement, knowing when and where to find support when the going gets tough, and respecting the choices others make, especially when they differ from what we believe we’d do in their situation.

 

Feeling Stretched?

Many well-meaning people encourage us to push and achieve more. Hit a sales target for the boss and you may find the bar gets raised for next month. Bring a project in under budget and you may find one consequence of your success is their belief you’ll repeat this with future projects; perhaps to the point of being given less resources yet expected to achieve the same results.

Higher expectations in the workplace are nothing new. It seems everyone wants us to be more efficient with our resources, employers want us to cross-train at work; not only being excellent at the work we do, but also learning how to do the work of others, which in turn makes us a higher valued asset. While we know we are entitled to our full lunch or dinner and our 15 minute breaks, often we might find pressure to work through them in practice, even though we’re told to take them.

And it doesn’t stop in the workplace. You might find that at home you’re expected to not just prepare supper, but ensure it’s something that will be a hit with everyone at the table. There’s demands on your time to help with homework, read a story, cuddle on the couch, have everyone’s clothes clean and ready, have lunches ready to go for tomorrow, spend time with the pets and then suprise, squeeze in some additional request for your help with something completely unexpected.

Stretched. It’s perhaps the best and simplest explanation of what you’re experiencing. Pulled by well-meaning people both in the workplace and at home. Of all the people in your life, you’re the only one who really gets the impact of having all these requests and demands made of you. Even when you share with those at home what’s going on at work, they can only understand on an intellectual level rather than having a real appreciation for what it’s like to live your experience. Pehaps while their listening empathetically, they even suggest you make yourself a tea or coffee to calm your nerves, rather than getting up to make it for you. Well-meaning sure, but yet one more tiny thing to do.

The thing is that no matter how much you’re able to stretch yourself and be there for everyone who needs you, you’ve got your limits. Pull beyond what you’re capable of doing and you’ll snap. Then people will look at you with puzzlement and disappointment and question your effort, your commitment, your capabilities!

You have to forgive people who do this though. I mean, we’re all different from everyone else; there isn’t a blueprint that says we can all be stretched to the same limits. Some of us can take on heavy loads and appear to thrive on them. Others work best when the loads are lighter, just not being designed to work at our best when we’re overloaded. But those well-meaning people are sizing us up based on the other people they know and their own best guesses as to what they believe we should be able to take on.

At work, the boss can hardly keep laying more and more responsibility on some members of the team while keeping the workload light for others. This could be read as favourtism. If it went on for any length of time, it could breed discontent, resistence and conflict among the members of the team who feel taken advantage of and overworked – especially if they all receive the same wages.

The other reason I think people should be forgiven for failing to understand what we’re capable of is that as individuals, our own capcacity to carry our loads fluctuates and changes based on all the things we juggle at any one time. What we were able to handle last month might be more or less than what we can handle this month. Why? Well maybe we’ve got 4 birthdays to plan for this month, there’s been a death of a close friend in our personal life, while at work someone’s confided in us that they are looking to leave and all we can see is more work coming our way.

While we can forgive others for unintentionally adding to our stress, we have to give ourselves permission to plateau if need be; send our Superhero cape out for cleaning, and just be normal. It’s not only okay to do this, it’s healthy for our minds and bodies. Pushing ourselves for too long beyond what we’re able to do risks both our physical and mental health. If we should stretch to the point of breaking, well, we’re not only unable to help others, we’ll end up feeling guilty, incapable and disappointed in ourselves. This can mean lower self-worth, anxiety and sadness.

This is not to say we shouldn’t push ourselves or fail to be pushed by others to find what we’re capable of. This is a good thing and sometimes we wouldn’t have the success we’ve had if we didn’t stretch to see what we might achieve. But the difficulty is knowing where that line is between stretching and breaking.

From time to time, what we’re giving is all we’ve got. This doesn’t make us a bad person, nor weak, nor unachieving. It makes us human. And when you feel ready, don your Superhero cape and go get ’em!

Orientation, Training and Continous Development

If you’ve worked at more than one organization over your lifetime, think back on what it was like in the first few days and weeks as you transitioned into those workplaces. It’s probable that you’ve had very different experiences.

Some organizations actually put very little thought and effort into training their new employees. They may introduce you to the other workers and set you up with one person to job shadow while you learn on the job. The belief some employers have is that you learn best by doing, so you’re right in the thick of it from day one and those that learn fastest stick around while those who don’t, don’t.

And to be fair, it’s not always that they don’t put thought and effort into their training. It’s sometimes the case that the business is small, there is no Human Resources department, there’s just the owner, one or two others and so you’re thrown right into the deep end with the hope you learn to swim. You watch them as they work and they explain things as they go. They expect you to model what you see and if you’re the kind of person that likes to jump right in and learns best by doing, you appreciate the opportunity.

Contrast this with the experience of joining a large corporation where there exists not only a Human Resources department, but also corporate trainers and managers who have the time to sit down with you removed from the front line, where you go over policies and procedures. In these kinds of organizations, your orientation and training looks completely different, lasting not just days or weeks but stretching into months.

The biggest single difference from the vantage point of you as an employee, is the expectation from the employer on when you are to be 100% productive. While a small, two or three person operation expects you to be up to speed and doing the job fully on your own in days, a large governmental organization invests considerable time training it’s employees and they’ll be slowily integrated into the job sites over time.

From your point of view as a potential new employee, you might find that asking about company orientation and training is a good thing. So too is the question about just how long they give you before expecting you to be working independently and giving them a full return on their investment. Knowing an employers expectations of you and your own learning capabilities, you’ll be able to best assess just how steep or gradual the learning curve is going to be in your new role.

It’s one thing to know you’ve got a few months to learn the scope of a job and quite another to be told you’ve got the morning to job shadow someone and then you’re expected to work alongside them in an equal capacity. From my own experience, I remember once working for an employer where 60 of us went through orientation and training together and it lasted six month’s. During that time, we all learned together in a classroom setting with various trainers and guest facilitators. We had a few days of job shadowing woven into those six months, but we were largely in isolation, going through thick manuals sheet by sheet.

By way of contrast, I recall a job working in retail where I had two shifts with the owner of the business and then I was told I’d be working on my own. Whether this was a testament of my ability to learn quickly or they had other priorities I’ve no idea, but there I was on shift number 3, alone and responsible for their entire business as the only employee on site.

Generally speaking, I’ve personally found that it takes a full year to learn a job completely. What I mean by this is that there is often certain tasks and responsibilities that come up during some parts of a year that you can’t experience until they come about. Doing inventory for example in a large department store might be scheduled three or four times a year, and some organizations operate very differently around tax season or year-end than they do during other periods in the business cycle. Yes, you may find it’s only after a full year on the job that you come to understand the full scope of the job you’ve landed.

Unfortunately for some or you reading this, you may have found that while a business owner excelled at doing their thing, they didn’t have had the well-developed skills as a trainer and mentor.  This shouldn’t be surprising really, given that just because a person is great at one thing doesn’t mean they are an expert in all things. As a consequence, you may have been left to largely figure things out on your own when you’d expected to be shown how to best do the job, complete with guidance and support.

Not all businesses have extensive new employee training, nor do all invest in continually developing their workforce. However, there are many employees who believe in ongoing training and many more who don’t, so it goes both ways. Good advice is to ask about initial orientation and training as well as continous learning and development to ensure a good fit with your own needs.